chicken lips

my darling

2010-12-23T22:37:00.004-05:00

It's been a while, I know. I only have a minute, so I'm uploading a short video of my son to share with friends across the country. I'm a proud, busy mama. One day, I'll come back to blogging and sharing my vitally, boring life with the world. For now, this is all I have.

cheers.

facebook freaks me out

2010-06-18T09:45:00.003-04:00

I have a weird relationship with Facebook. I spend an unreal amount of time checking my friends' statuses and milling about. I log on first thing in the morning while I'm logging on to listen my local NPR station. Being a stay-at-home-mom who is geographically far from my friends and family, this has been a great way for me to keep in touch. I love being able to comment on silly things people are doing and see photos of my friends and family and all their kids.

In addition, I've been able to connect, or reconnect, with people I used to be friends with in high school. This has been, in so many ways, so lovely. I chat with a couple people I used to be friends with in high school (never thought that would happen!) and it's amazing. I love being able to reconnect with everyone. I can write emails first thing in the morning and no one else is awake (I'm a couple time zones ahead of most of my friends) which is handy and gives me something to look forward to in the morning.

Facebook has also changed the way I share my life with other people. One side effect is that I edit myself more now than I ever did. I think about all the people who are my friends; my mother, father, step-mother, step-siblings, friends from high school, former co-workers, former volunteer supervisors ad employers and so on. I want to be witty and funny and sometimes a little crass, but I stop short nearly every time. I find myself in the same place with this blog. I think of all kinds of funny things to say, but they seem to crass or irrelevant. I don't like that change. I think I'm fairly funny, but I have a crass sense of humor.

Anyway... that's not what this particular blog was supposed to be about.

Back on track:

I lost a friend recently. She died recently, at the young age of 26, from cancer. I've had a hard time processing the reality that she's dead. It seems so unfair to me. She had recently graduated from college, married her high school sweetheart, planted her summer garden, adopted a new cat and then..she died. It wasn't as fast a process as I make it out to be. She tried to survive through the use of traditional western medical treatments (chemotherapy and radiation therapy) for about a year. When she was told by her oncologist that her tumor didn't respond how they hoped, she abandoned western medicine.

Instead, she decided she would prefer to seek out what we consider "alternative" treatment to cure her of her cancer. Unfortunately, she lost her battle in too little time.

This is where Facebook comes in to play; she has a Facebook page and people keep posting messages to her. I don't know why, but it freaks me out. Maybe it's the reminder of her absence, but there's something so strange about the Faceook messages. People will say things like " You were in my dreams last night, thanks for visiting me" and " I miss and love you so much" and things like that.

I can't help but to think about it how weird she would find all of it. I can picture us laughing about it now. She used to think I was funny. I could crack her up until she couldn't breathe. I also thought she was very funny. She had a quick mind a a great, cynical sense of humor. She was older, in spirit, than her 26 years. I found her cynicism delightful and insightful. That's not all there was to her, but that's what's most relevant to me about the silly Facebook. I think she would have been as weirded out as I am. Maybe not. Maybe I'm projecting my emotions too much.

All the same, it's weird for me. I don't want to delete her as one of my friends. Probably for the same reason I can't seem to delete her phone number or email address. I just can't do it. Not yet. As much as I don't want to make her dying permanent, I cannot post a message to her on Facebook... it's just too weird.

In one way, I understand everyone's need to connect with each other and the memory of our shared friend. I get it. On the other hand, I can't help but think about her checking her Facebook page from her afterlife. It's too bad she doesn't change her status update. She could give us some insight about what really awaits us in the end. I guess that might be freaky though. Or remove some of the mystery for the rest of us. Or lie. Now that would be funny.

lazy-itis is my name and lazy is my game

2010-05-31T09:32:00.004-04:00

I've thought about changing my name since before I was married. I used to think about how I would feel about having a different last name when I was in high school. I used to wonder if I would ever get used to someone calling me by a different last name. For some reason, I gave it a lot of thought.

I've been married three years and I don't really have any true desire to change my last name.It's such a hassle! I really don't want to have to change my passport. Not only will it cost $100, but I have a great photo! Seriously, my photo is very cute. I had my photo taken before they made the rule that there's No Smiling in Passport Photos. Did you know that this is a rule now? I know, it's dumb.

I also don't look forward to having to change my name on each and every bill I have. It's hard enough to get them to understand that my physical address (at which I do not have a letter box and therefore cannot receive any mail) is different from my mailing address. It's an incredibly time consuming process to explain this to every bill collector. I don't want to have to change my name too.

Last, but not least, I don't want to wait in line at the DMV (with a baby, no less) any more than I have to. I learned, when flying home from vacation a couple weeks ago, that my license is expired. So, I guess I could just do it all in the same trip, but it's not likely to happen.

Even though I don't want to change my name, I think there's something slightly romantic about the whole thing. I would also like to share the last name of my child. (He has his father's last name.) It's not really a big deal right now, but I think it might be when he goes to school. Especially where we live now. It's uncommon for women to keep their maiden names when married.

All the same, it's not likely to happen anytime real soon.

naughtier than I thought....or not

2010-05-19T14:48:00.006-04:00

Apparently, we have sexualized our bodies to such a degree in this country that even breast feeding is considered dirty. I don't have any issues breast feeding Harvey when he's hungry. Like most people, he becomes hungry at inopportune times; in the DMV, grocery store, church, at a wedding, the doctors office, or at home. Since he's a baby, he doesn't usually like to wait for long to eat, which means he fusses and he's fed quickly. It's a good system we've managed to work out.

Unfortunately, not everyone sees my feeding Harvey as feeding Harvey. It seems that people see my breast and not the child that is attached to my breast. I don't cover up when I feed Harvey. He doesn't want to have a blanket over his head while he eats any more than anyone else does. I don't expect him to eat while covered. It is also inconvenient and annoying to keep up with. This is hard for some people to deal with. For the most part, people stare and tell their friends to look and then it's all over with. I think it's stupid, but that's the way it goes.

Once, when Ben and I were out to eat with Harvey, our waiter told another waiter to come check us out. Sadly, either one of them were sly enough not to be made. The food-runner in the same restaurant was sweet and commented that it was dinner time for everyone!

More recently, I was given a hard time at my dad's wedding. There was a woman who was present at both the bridal shower and the wedding that clearly had a had time dealing with my parenting choices. She made a comment at the bridal shower and then again at the wedding. I'm not sure why. I didn't approach her and ask her how she felt about my choosing to breastfeed my son. Nevertheless, she approached me and had something to say about it; twice. I sloughed it off the first time as her being uncomfortable seeing me feed Harvey. However, the second time, when she sought me out, I became annoyed.

Why do some people have such difficulty with breastfeeding? What's the issue? Is it really about the presence of a breast? Because it's definitely not about feeding a baby.

(It's so dirty!!)

wait....but I thought I was in charge

2010-04-19T09:18:00.008-04:00

I'm in a pickle, people and I don't know what to do.

Ben and I have a garden. It's not on our land, (since we don't have any land). It's on our friends' land. They have over 80 acres of land they never use. They are kind enough to allow us to use some land (which used to be garden space) as our garden. Ben built two small shelters (to keep tools dry) and, a couple of rain barrels to collect water, a fence of fallen trees to surround the garden and, of course, a bonfire pit.

Last year was the first year we had the garden. We told nearly everyone we know about it and invited everyone to share the space with us. In doing this, we (naively) believed that people would share in the work required to keep the space in shape. So, so wrong. It became a party space for some people who thought it was okay to leave beer bottles and cans and other trash around all the time. Poor Ben was always picking up after everyone.

Additionally, a couple people told us they wanted to share the soil and plant some food of their own. This wasn't a problem until they were missing-in-action until all the works was done. No one ever saw them, they just planted and harvested. They did not clean up or mow or weed-eat or care for the space in any other way. They simply used the soil that had been lovingly prepared and left.

Unfortunately, because we were trying to share our space, we left a lot of soil unused. We thought someone was going to use the space and they only used apart of it. Last year, we swore we were not going to share the garden with people who wouldn't help clean up and respect the space. It means a lot to us and we have a responsibility to our friends (who own the land) to treat it with respect.

So far this year, Ben has tilled and I've started putting seeds in the ground (peas, two types of beans, lettuce, rosemary, peppers, basil, garlic chives...). Ben was approached by a couple (who didn't use the garden last year) about sharing the space this year. Naturally, he invited them up. It's nice to share space. We can all learn from each other and learn to grow food together. Not only that; but what comes around goes around, right? It's the right thing to do.

The only thing is, they're not respecting our wishes to keep the soil completely organic. The soil was used for years and years before we came around. Everything was grown organically, so the soil is beautiful. Ben has put in a lot of work, tilling in manure and keeping the soil in good shape. When I told our friend that we wanted to keep organic, they told me that they wouldn't spray anything on their plants (and therefore also the soil), but that they were going to use fertilizer.....non-organic fertilizer. It means so much to me to learn to grow organically. It can be done and I want to learn how. I want all of us to be able to nourish our bodies with the bounty of the soil, free from poisonous additives. I want Harvey to be able to play in that dirt and pick his own food without having to worry about what is on the leaves and skin of the food.

I'm so disappointed that our wishes aren't being respected. It takes years to take pesticides out of the soil. It's not like it's going to be fresh and clean next year. Not only that, but in adding chemical fertilizer, they could mess up the good nutrient balance which already exists in the soil. They didn't ask us about our experience last year or test the soil. They simply poured on a bunch of fertilizer.

One day, we will have our own space. It's not that we don't like sharing space- we do. It's a great way to learn and enjoy the company of our friends. It's hard to feel disrespected in the process.

no news is good news...right?

2010-04-06T09:50:00.003-04:00

I'm trying to balance the checkbook while holding the baby on my lap; begging my boobies not to leak all over the place.

I'm starving and need to clean the litter boxes and take a shower.

Harvey is refusing ta take a bottle from his dad (again!), so I did not get the extra hour of sleep I need so badly.

I need to wash diapers (at east I get to hang them at the garden, in the sun, now), put away winter clothes and organize our medicine chest Tupperware (something has leaked all over everything).

Who says being a stay at home mom is all Bon-bons and soap operas? (I don't know how in the hell working moms do it all. Three cheers to you,ladies!).

These are some of the reasons I don't get any exercise. I wish all this running around all day felt like enough exercise to set my mind and mood straight. I'm worn out and I feel flabby...bad combo for anyone.

knitting commercial

2010-03-25T15:52:00.003-04:00

I don't remember where I found this commercial. I think it must have been on someone's blog. I'm a knitting nerd and I liked it. I'm still trying to formulate another fascinating post, so this will have to do for now.

not happening

2010-03-16T10:33:00.004-04:00

I was on the internet the other day looking up information about breast milk and alcohol-I like to have a little suds with my supper and I don't want to be getting the baby drunk. I should confess that I don't really think I could get him drunk; not with the amount of beer I drink at night (about 1/2 a beer or 6 ounces). Anyway, I was still feeling some guilt about my decision to have a little beer at night and I decided to try to find out the truth.

Since everything on the internet is perfectly true and can be trusted, I turned to Google for help.

What I wound up finding was a list of no-no foods for breastfeeding moms. (I'm not sure why I felt the need to add 'moms' after 'breastfeeding'...there are probably very few breastfeeding dads...).

The reasons given are generally gastronomically related. They (don't ask, I don't know who "they" are) believe that they will either give babies gas, runny poops, or create early allergies once the food is introduced as a solid food.

Some of the offending foods include:

garlic
cabbage
onion
broccoli
Brussels sprouts
peppers
cucumbers
turnips
cow's milk products (this includes butter!)
oranges
lemons
limes
grapefruits
tangerines
chocolate
eggs
wheat
corn
fish
peanuts
nuts and
soy

...just to name a few. So if I have this right, my food should be limited to rice and....what? Water?

I can't believe that all these foods are potentially bad for me or Harvey. It's just not possible, as far as I'm concerned. I can't help but to think of cultures where people eat all this food with garlic and onions and don't have fussy or gassy babies.

When I asked a lactation consultant at the hospital about this nonsense she was very supportive and told me that babies who are introduced to these flavors through breast milk are more likely to be better eaters (read: more adventurous and less fussy)as they grow. Now, that makes sense. It makes sense to me that babies who taste the changes in breast milk (if taste does in fact change a great deal) with various foods will not balk at solid foods which taste different.

I eat garlic, onions, eggs, wheat, corn,butter, cheese, zucchini and squash almost every single day. I'm not ready to change.

Needless to say, I'm not cutting out any foods from my diet, unless I really do see some evidence that Harvey has a hard time digesting some of it. So far, he's in good shape. No excessive gas and no bad poops. I'm going to keep eating how I've been eating. Maybe with a little less fat and sugar, but only so I lose a little weight.

To make a long story even longer; I've talked with more than one physician and they have all told me that a little beer with supper isn't going to get the baby drunk. In fact, he probably won't even notice and there is unlikely to be any alcohol in my milk at all. Some people (physicians include) believe that a little beer (they give credit to the hops (which is also in nursing teas) and malted barley) helps milk to come in earlier and is more plentiful. I don't know if it's true, but I'm not arguing otherwise. I'm also not a binge-drinker, so I'm going to release myself of any guilt I've been trying to haul around with me....for now.

I have issues

2010-03-15T09:46:00.008-04:00

Couch issues, to be precise. I hate my couches. Hate. hate. hate. It's a real problem. I get grumpy just thinking about sitting on them.

Honest.

When Harvey wakes up in the middle of the night and I think about going into the living room to nurse him (so we won't wake up his father) I get all grumpy when I think about sitting or lying down on the couch.

I haven't always been like this. I used to have a great couch. It was beautiful. It was blue and had three, over stuffed cushions. It was very snuggly, new,clean...it was amazing.

Foolishly, I left if behind when I broke up with my ex. When I left her I brought my clothes and school books with me. Nothing more. Well...I might have grabbed some silverware and a couple pots and pans. But, I didn't bring any furniture. I bought a bed and a small table on credit and that's all the furniture I had. I was living in a 400 square foot apartment, so there wasn't much space to accommodate much more, which was fine at at the time.

Later, when I moved to a larger place, I wanted to grab some of my things, like a dresser and my beautiful Blue Couch. (You should know that I refer to the couch as mine because it was given to me as a present. I'm not all weird and possessive over random pieces of furniture). When I asked about the couch, I learned that a roommates cats had peed and barfed all over it for a couple months, before it was relegated to the porch- where it was rained on all summer. Needless to say, it was not worth keeping anymore. Which was a shame, because it was basically new when I left. And beautiful. It was so nice.

Since then, I've gone through about four couches and I've hated every single one of them. I think it has something to do with the fact that they're always used. I haven't had a new couch in years. Since the Blue Couch, in fact.

My neighbor is giving me a couch this week. It's a good couch too- it reclines! Now, I'm excited to be inheriting a new (to me) couch. Ben is a little hesitant. He's not convinced that I'm going to like it for more than six months. I'm sure he's right. This couch is one of those microfiber couches. Which would be great, if it weren't beige and dirty. It's not filthy and it doesn't smell, it's just worn in. This would probably not be a bad thing, if it were me who had worn it in. Since it wasn't, it's going to be a problem. I can tell already. In addition, the armrests are all smooshed and you can feel the frame. It's not perfect, but it's new to me and that's very exciting right now.

It's better than nothing, that's for sure. Better than what I currently have, too. So, I'm grateful and I'm taking it. I'll love it for now. Poor ole Ben will probably have to move it when I find something better in six months. Good thing this one is just coming from the neighbor across the hall.

If I could have it my way (read if I could afford it); I would have this couch or maybe this couch, or this one. I'm trying to remember to be thankful for what I do have and not covet what I don't, but I'm finding it very difficult when I see these beautiful couches.

Oh, and when I do find a couch that I love and will keep forever and ever; I'm calling it a sofa.

zombies ate my brain!!

2010-03-11T10:13:00.003-05:00

I think a peckish zombie ate my brain, recently. I seem to have part of my brain, which leads me to think he or she must have only been a little peckish and not starving. Maybe they started with Ben's humongous brain and then only had a little nibble of mine for dessert. (I only assume he has a large brain because he has an enormous head... I could be wrong).

I can't seem to finish a single thought these days. I feel like I'm sleep walking most of the time. For example, I had constructed today's entire post (mostly in my head while I was feeding Harvey at three o'clock this morning) and now I can't remember any of it.

How strange!

I think maybe the baby sucked my brain out of my head when he was born.

Do you think it's possible that while I was holding me breath and pushing him out, I created enough pressure to push my brains out my ears?

Maybe that's what happened.

So, that's why I'm not full of fascinating details about my incredible life.

That and I don't really do much more than sweep, mop, fold laundry, breastfeed, change diapers, feed the dog and cat, walk the dog, dishes...things like that.

Speaking of which, I should go, I need to clean while the babe is asleep, my mother in law is visiting tomorrow and there's lots to do.

I think I can

2010-03-09T11:39:00.004-05:00

The above might become my new mantra.

The sun is finally shining! I can hardly believe it. I finally have some hope for spring and then, very soon: summer!!! EEeeeeee!!!

I'm ready to plant seeds, slather sunscreen all over my sweet baby and play in the dirt. I think he's going to love it too. He's a little small this year to fully enjoy all the garden has to offer. He will be able to get acquainted this year and then next year; look out worms, dirt, creek, puddles, and pups!

I'm also ready to start exercising and lose this baby weight. I think I'm going to have to start a schedule or it's never going to happen. I keep saying (only to myself) that I'll exercise tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow. Naturally, it doesn't' happen.

I need a schedule. I've always been better at completing a task when I have a deadline. I think maybe I'll start setting the alarm in the morning and going to exercise before Ben goes to work. That way Ben can feed Harvey (I've been pumping and Harvey will take a bottle from his dad) and I can exercise (and maybe wake up and gain a little more energy).

I'm so tired all the time. I can't say that I'm terribly surprised by this, since I have a tiny new baby. I don't wake Ben up at night to feed or change Harvey -amazingly, he doesn't wake up when Harvey fusses, so he gets lots of sleep at night. Therefore, I won't feel too bad to let him take over while I get some exercise in the morning.

I'm not thinking of going nuts and running miles and miles every morning. Its been a long time since I've done any kind of exercise, so I don't think I could do a whole lot, even if I wanted to. I think I'll take the dog with me, do a couple laps around the island, which is probably about a mile or so, and do some lunges and sit-ups when we get home.

I'm not planning on wearing a two piece this summer, on the other hand, I don't want to feel too bad to get into a swim suit at all. Therefore, I need to get with the program and get moving.

Next, I'll have to change my diet and stop eating all the fat and sugar I love so very much.

baby steps...right?

p.s. He's so worth it:

ch-ch-ch-changes!!

2010-02-01T08:10:00.006-05:00

I was awake the other day, feeding Harvey, and thinking about how things have changed for me. For example; I think the last time I was awake at 4 am with my boobies hanging out of my shirt was the first night I spent with his dad. Now, I have my boobies hanging out all over the place, trying to plug a little mouth which makes lots of noise if I take too long doing so.

I'm still in bed fairly early, no changes there. We're up early too. Again, no changes. The only difference is that when I wake up in the middle of the night, I'm up for longer stretches than before, but not more frequently than before. It's not easy to get used to, but I'm managing.

We've both had colds, which has been horrible. Both of us have had fevers and snotty faces for the last week. As you can imagine, this makes for bad sleep, uncomfortable awake time and exhaustion, for both of us.

Ben is back at work today. He took last week off and did a side job, which allowed him to work in the shop down the street- it was so nice. He was gone most of the day, but he was close. He was also able to come home for lunch every day. It was so nice to see him, if even for only a few minutes. I hate that he has to work so far away. We're both hoping for the best and planning for more of the same. Maybe if we hope hard enough he'll be able to fully transition to doing his own work full time. Won't you help us manifest this? please...

We have a whole host of amazing friends who have been feeding us all week. A dear friend decided to take the initiative of creating a feeding schedule and signed people up to feed us. We had people dropping of amazing, nutritious, delicious food for the past week! We've had pot roast stew & rice, quiche & salad, turkey chili & salad, tuna salad, cobbler, chicken, beets & kale, quinoa, chicken & turnips, pumpkin pie, cookies, butternut squash, green beans & rice, salmon fritatta & potato soup..you get the idea. You know what else? We still have a month of food coming every other day for the next month! It's so great. Taking care of a baby is a lot of work - even more so when sick- and it's been so helpful to have such great food dropped off for us during this transition. And, we've not even dipped into the frozen food Charlotte made for us last month! Harvey is lucky to come into a great group of people who already love him and want to nourish his momma and daddy. It feels really great to have such good friends. We're both feeling so blessed.

Okay, I'm going to get the weepies: gotta go!

I'm not sure that's there's much more to tell, anyway. Or maybe there is. But, the baby has sucked most of the brain from my head, so I'm going to call this post quits for now. Here's a couple photos:

who's snuggly?

note the cute diaper cover (we're using cloth diapers, so a diaper cover is necessary or he'll get poo & pee on his clothes).

He's here!!

2010-01-23T06:48:00.005-05:00

Harvey Ray has arrived. He decided to grace us with his presence at 6:34 Wednesday (1.20.10) morning. He weighed 9 lbs 9 ozs and measured 19.5 inches in length. Here's a photo or two to hold you over until I have more energy to post more.

This is moments after arriving. He screamed as soon as he hit the air and didn't stop for an hour. And somehow, it was absolutely adorable.

I love when he sucks his finger, it's too cute.

here we go again

2010-01-18T16:52:00.004-05:00

So, more of the same. I'm still super-pregnant. I'm tired more often than not. I'm also very sore. My stomach muscles are having a hard time holding me up and holding this baby in.

One funny thing people keep saying to me is: "it's going to be soon, I can tell". ....uuuhhh seriously? I've had this baby in me for over ten months....so yea, it's gotta be soon. I'm not a friggin' elephant. Why do people say that? It makes me crazy. I'm 40weeks 6 days pregnant, it can't possibly last much longer. So, thanks Sherlock, I appreciate the insight. Ooohhh, I'm so mean. I'm feeling quite ornery. Can you blame me?

Oh, another charming thing people have started doing is blaming me for still being pregnant....? 'Cuz, you know, I have something to do with whether or not this kid comes out of me. It doesn't matter what kind of weird tricks we use, this kid is not coming out until it's ready. It's not my fault. Trust me, I'm ready to hold the baby in my arms. Or let someone else hold it for a minute! Boy, that'll be nice.

Anyway, here I am all pregnant. I'm smiling because I'm thinking of cake and ice cream, not because I'm having such a nice time lugging around 50+ extra pounds.

If nothing else, I'll be induced by the time I reach 42 weeks. So, at the very latest, I'll be having this baby in eight days. Woo-hoo!! Now, that's something I can cheer about (except it would mean that I would have to be induced, which doesn't please me, but whateves. I'm ready to be done).

Even the dog is bored with me still being pregnant!

today is supposed to be the Big Day

2010-01-13T07:48:00.003-05:00

Today is January 13, 2010. The day the Baby is supposed to arrive. Being the hopeful and motivated person I am, I've decided to try some of the tried and true (says who- I don't know) methods to induce labor.

So far I've tried the following:

Pineapple - yummy, but doesn't seem to do anything.

Spicy foods- again, not bad, but not effective.

Bumpy car rides- very annoying. I will not be doing this again. If peeing one's pants stimulates labor, then I can see how this would be effective. Otherwise, it's a bad idea.

Nipple Stimulation- so far this has not been as exciting as people make it out to be. It's more of a chore than anything else...boo-ooring. The weird thing is it makes me have contractions, but the Baby is still in there, so it has obviously not done the trick yet.

Had the Sexy Time as much as either of us could manage (which I'll honestly tell you isn't often). Again, isn't' as much fun as one might anticipate. Sexy Anything isn't as much fun (in my opinion) when it's for a specific purpose (outside simply having a good time). One good thing is that Ben is very funny and he can also find the humor in the awkwardness of planned Sexy Time. We have all kinds of jokes about it now. Most of the time we just refer to it as making a "deposit" (you see- we're only having Sexy Time because there are hormones- prostoglandins- in semen which are supposed to help "ripen" or dilate the cervix, and therefore induce labor). We have the Sexy Time, Ben declares- in a superhero voice "Prostoglandins activate, form of semen, shape of baby" (seriously- it's very funny) and then I lay around and read for a while. It's almost like when one tries to get pregnant and lays around letting the nasty slime do it's thing. Only this time we're hoping to get the baby out, not in. So far, it's given me incredibly painful contractions and cramps and no baby.

Acupressure. There are a couple acupressure points which are said to induce labor. Like all the other methods I've used so far- they induce contractions, but not labor.

Obviously, I should be taking away a message from all of this; babies don't come out until they're good and ready. And this one isn't ready. I prefer to ignore this message and continue to try to convince my body to go into labor.

I have another appointment this morning with the midwife. I think that since I'm full term, she'll be willing to sweep my membranes during this visit. (The midwife will insert a couple fingers through my cervix and "sweep" my membranes (the amniotic sac w/baby) away from my cervix to irritate it and get it to release prostoglandins). Again, this will be in an effort to induce labor.

Originally, when I got pregnant, I gave myself much more credit than I deserved and thought I would be able to be far more patient about labor occurring naturally. Now, I'm on a mission. Not only am I on a mission not to be pregnant anymore. I am also trying to avoid medical induction of labor. I've heard horrible, horrible things about Pitocin (a drug which mimics Oxytocin- the natural hormone released during labor), which is used to induce labor. Typically, when a woman is given Pitocin she will be hooked up to an IV (to give the Pitocin and keep her hydrated), a fetal heart monitor, contraction monitor and then she waits to see what happens. If she's lucky, labor will eventually begin on it's own and she can stop the Pitocin and do her thing. If not, there can be other medical intervention which routinely take place, which I would like to avoid.

In other news.....(crickets chirping)...okay there is no other news. This is the only thing going on in my life right now....sorry.

Oh wait, there is!! I made peanut butter chocolate chip cake and blueberry-banana muffins yesterday.
Here's a photo of the cake:

my kid's hypothetical wenis is a big deal

2010-01-07T16:06:00.005-05:00

There's a lot to think about when one has a kid;

Vaccinations or no vaccinations. If so, which vaccinations do you administer? and when?

Home school, public school, charter school, magnet school, or private school?

Daycare or no daycare?

Breast or bottle feeding and then; formula or only breast milk.

And the real kicker....cut or uncut wenis!!

Now, there's not a lot of hassle for most of the rest of these things. Ben and I agree about most of the big stuff. No problems here. Actually, I think I care a lot more than he does, sometimes. So, it's not too hard to talk with him about it. I'll read everything I can get my hands on about a particular topic, condense all the information, share it with him and then he decides where he stands on the subject. He's taken the smart way out of learning about all this shit. Very sneaky, if you were to ask me.

When it came to the subject of circumcision, I was immediately opposed to the idea. I don't think it's medically necessary and therefore seems un-necessary. Not bad, mind you, just not necessary. Something like 70% of the worlds population is uncircumcised, did you know that? I didn't. Not until I started reading about circumcision.

Our collective decision not to circumcise has my mother-in-law all freaked out. She's not happy about it. At. All. She is on a mission. She's called Ben twice now to talk with him about it. The first time she told him that we need to have the baby circumcised. I think she thought that call was sufficient. That was until she came with me to my most recent prenatal appointment when the subject was addressed. She found out that we're still not into the idea. Not being pleased to find out that we're holding strong, she did not decide to talk with me about why we've made the decision we've made. Nope. Instead, she called Ben and told him that he needs to call her back (when I'm not around) to talk with her about circumcision.

Apparently, she feels like he is either; 1) being bossed by me and can be more bossed by her (puh-leeese), if only she can get him on the phone without me around, 2) the more malleable of the two of us or 3) secretly in agreement with her and if only they could talk privately and come up with a plan of attack to convince me to change my mind. Poor lady, she's so wrong on all fronts.

I'm a bossy lady. I know it. In fact, it doesn't really bother me. Not because I don't care what other people think, but because I'm not an asshole. I'm plenty bossy about lots of unimportant things, but I ask for feedback with important stuff, like whether to remove our (potential) son's foreskin or not. I don't just make an executive decision and let it stay at that. I'm bossy, but I'm not a jerk. I asked Ben a million questions about what he thought about circumcision. You see, I don't have a penis- it's true- so I don't pretend to have any idea what sort of unique issues comes with having one. I asked Ben all about penises (penii?) and penis-related issues. When all was said and done, I decided I still didn't like the idea, and Ben agreed.

I never thought circumcision was such a big deal until I got knocked up and it was an issue I had to consider. Neither one of us is freaked out by the idea, but we're more comfortable with the kid making the decision on his own. If, one day, he tells us he wants to have a more uniform penile physical appearance with his peers and that means circumcision then we'll pay for it to be done. But not until then. We just don't think it's that big of a deal. The main reason my mother-in-law is giving in support is; cleanliness. I'm more than slightly insulted that she thinks that we'll just let our baby boy walk around with a nasty wenis. I mean really! If you can teach a girl to wash her vagina (which I would argue is slightly more physically complicated than a penis) then you can teach a boy to wash his penis.

Anyway, it's a little unreal that we're even having to deal with this silliness. It's the tiniest bit of skin on a very private part of the baby's body. I would argue that the only people who would ever know that he has a nasty, uncircumcised penis would be the people he chooses to share it with. It's not like it's on his nose! Now that would be nasty!

39 weeks

2010-01-06T20:00:00.004-05:00

Here I am, all glorious 176lbs of me. Yes, that's right, I weigh more than my dear husband now. I outweigh him by 3 pounds now and I'm showing no evidence of slowing down. At least for now. That might be a topic for another post.

I'm exhausted. Do you ever wonder what it might be like to be pregnant? I'll try to paint the picture for you... Imagine strapping a 40+ pound bag of dog food to the front of your body and hauling it around all day and night. Then, imagine placing a bowling ball on your bladder. Lastly, think of what it might feel like to wear stockings filled with sand. Only the stockings are your skin and the sand is a bunch of extra water you're retaining. That might give you an idea of what it feels like to be me right now.

So, yeah, I'm tired. I'm worn out in a way that can surely only be reserved for pregnancy. I"m glad it'll be over soon. I think if another person says "enjoy it while you can" I might hurl a can of soup at their head. What sadist likes feeling like this? This shit is hard work. It's cool to have a tiny octopus baby wiggle around inside my tummy and all, but I think I'll probably get a kick out of it being on the outside of my body too.

my dreams are freaking me out

2009-12-27T09:26:00.002-05:00

There are lots of weird things that occur when one is pregnant. I have been reading three books about pregnancy just to get the full spectrum of information about this glowing (frustrating) time. For the most part, it's all the same. I was under the impression, for some dumb reason, that I might be one of the few to simply be knocked up and not experience great challenges or pain with my pregnancy. What?! It happens, I've known people for whom this was the truth. As I'm sure you're aware, this has not been the case for me.

One thing I had been lucky enough to avoid for the last nine months is stretch marks. All the books warn about stretch marks, which can occur on the boobies, buns, and belly. The skin stretches out so swiftly that it gets stretch marks, which looks like the skin is tearing. It's awful. Not only is it not so pretty to look at, it's terribly itchy and in my case, painful. So far I've lucked out and I don't have too many. I don't have any on my boobies (which is amazing, since they're four times larger than they were!). I also don't have any on my buns. But I am getting them on my tummy. They're not all bright red or anything...yet. They're more the color of pink dried up earth worms. Veeeerrry foxy.

Another weird thing about being pregnant are the bizarro dreams that one is subjected to. Now, I can generally watch most scary movies at night and sleep just fine. I believe in ghosts and all, so those scary dreams stick in my head a little, but not enough to keep me up at night. However, when I've watched a scary movie in the last couple months I've dreamt about zombies all night. And I'm not talking about unrealistic like zombies. I mean they're-in-my-bedroom-breathing-on-my-face type zombies. No fun.

The books also say that most women dream about babies and little fuzzy, delicate, fragile creatures. Ummmm, I might be a jerk, but I've only had one dream of a baby animal and it was a turtle which had to be moved out of the road (which is not uncommon for me to do from spring through fall around here. There are turtles in the road all summer). So, I think my dream was more practical than all lovey.

You know what I did last night in my dream? I tried to but my cats head off....with our dull multipurpose kitchen scissors. That's right; most women dream of snuggly babies or baby animals and I dream of hard-shelled turtles and cutting of cat heads with dull kitchen scissors.

Oh, I forgot to mention that I've had more than one dream about trying to breastfeed the same cat who was about to lose her head last night.

The books don't mention if all this funny business stops after the baby comes out. I sure hope so. I don't want to dream about breast feeding my cat or cutting her head off anymore. And I want to be able to watch zombie movies after the sun goes down without dreaming that I have zombies getting ready to eat my face.

irony

2009-12-21T07:22:00.004-05:00

We had a great weekend! We lost power about 9:30 Friday night for nearly 24 hours. The apartment got fairly cold by Saturday , but the bedroom (which is in the back, middle of the apartment) stayed fairly warm, so long as we kept the door closed. We have city water too, so we didn't have to worry about needing to melt snow to drink. Additionally, we had a full tank of hot water, so we were both able to take shower during the outage. The crummiest part of losing power was not having heat and a place to cook. We cooked on the wood stove at Ben's shop, which was far more fun than either of us could have anticipated. Unfortunately, the shop doesn't hold heat, so we had to huddle around the stove to stay warm. All the same, it was a lot of fun. Ben had such a nice time that he was fairly disappointed when the power came back on.

The baby hasn't arrived yet. I'm still incredibly pregnant. I'm uncomfortable most of the time and I'm having increasingly stronger contractions. So strong, in fact, that I had to pause a couple times in the Target to breathe through a few painful contractions. Ben has taken to asking me, mid-contraction, if the baby is coming. Not charming. I guess he thinks I might forget to tell him that the baby is coming. Either that or he thinks I'm so strong that I would merely need to rest for a minute while I push out a baby in Target.

Anyway, We're not spending our Christmas in Charlotte with Ben's family this year, so we're going to smoke a chicken. We loved smoked food almost as much as we love fried food, so we're both very excited to be eating a smoked chicken this year. I think we'll be having a couple sides, nothing fancy. I don't identify as a Christian so I'm not particularly bummed not to be celebrating in a big way. I'm disappointed for Ben, since it is his favorite holiday, but he seems happy enough to be smoking a chicken and hanging out waiting for the baby.

I defined irony yesterday. Ben and I went to Target to spend the gift cards we received at the baby shower. I recently discovered some new stretch marks on my stomach. I went nine months without any new stretch marks. I was thinking that I might be one of the rare few who end pregnancy with a baby and a saggy tummy, sans stretch mark. Guess not. They're not that bad, I've definitely seen worse. Anyway, these stretch marks have reinforced two facts; this baby might be enormous and I've gained a fair amount of weight. Soooo, I've decided to purchase a scale. I thought it might be nice to be able to keep track of my weight loss after the baby is born. I didn't buy anything fancy, so I'm not going to be keeping track of every half or quarter pound lost. I'm hoping having a scale in the house isn't going to be completely depressing. If so, I think I'll give it away. I don't intend to weigh myself everyday or anything, that's just silly. However, I think I will probably check my weight at least once a week, but only to keep track of post-baby weight loss. Wish me luck, I think I'm going to need some.

Oh! I almost forgot to share the ironic part of this purchase: I also purchased a half gallon of mint-chip ice cream yesterday. Yes, that's right, I purchased a scale and ice cream in the same day.

snow day!!

2009-12-18T09:36:00.005-05:00

Me and the pup on the train tracks in front of the river - see the water running over the dam?

I love snow days! I grew up in Alaska and we almost never had a snow day. It's a novelty that will never wear off for me. I almost wish were still in school so I could experience the pleasure of a canceled classes. There's supposed to be approximately 4-8" accumulation today and 3-7" tonight and maybe an inch tomorrow. This is a big deal in these parts. The few snow plows owned by the county are already out plowing slush. It's a little ridiculous, but I love all the attention the snow gets. People get all kinds of freaked out. I bet there's not a loaf of bread in the entire grocery store. That goes for milk as well. What do people do with all that bread and milk, make bread pudding?

Graduation commencement was supposed to take place tomorrow, but it has been canceled due to the inclement weather. I guess that's okay by me. Part of me was looking forward to wearing the robe and all the jazz that goes along with it (what!? I didn't graduate high school, I thought it would be fun). The other part of me didn't really want to bother with parking and walking around all day, having contractions-no less, to get my photo made while wearing my stupid robe and ribbons and awards and stuff.

Naturally, I think today would be a perfect day to have a baby. It would be so snuggly. We could have the baby and then come home and stay inside and snuggle and stare at the new baby and drink warm chocolate milk. Not to mention it would be slightly difficult for family to make it out right away, which would give us some uninterrupted time with the baby before we have to gear up for the fam. Sounds perfect to me. I have a feeling I'm not going to get my way, since it seems I'm no longer the boss in this house anymore.

Ben is all kinds of freaked out. He seems to think the power is going to go out and we're going to have to sleep at the shop (where there's a wood stove). I doubt that's going to happen. But, I've been wrong about things before, I could be wrong about this. We'll see.

What are you doing today? Is it snowing where you live? or is it sunny and nice? How will you be spending your weekend? Sleeping piles of sawdust in the shop?

it's like having a crush

2009-12-17T09:44:00.003-05:00

I'm sitting here trying to have a baby and think of something clever to write about and I'm coming up empty handed. When I say that I'm trying to have a baby, I mean that I'm willing my body to begin contractions, for real this time. I'm so ready to meet the baby (and not be pregnant anymore).

So, earlier this morning when I was pooping for the second time (

Yes, I've pooped twice today and no it's not weird. It's wonderful! Those of you who don't poop at least daily don't know what you're missing out on. Eat some more fiber, you need to be pooping more frequently. Seriously, it's good for you. Do it.)

Where was I?? Oh yes.. so I was pooping for the second time this morning and I began to wonder if this is a sign of labor. The books say that sometimes women start clearing out the poops when they go into early labor. It's the body's way of making space for the baby to come out. (Which is okay by me. I would rather poop a bunch now than poop when the baby is coming (I guess this is so common, no one even flinches when it happens -'cept the moms, I'm sure)).

I decided, after thinking too much about poops, that wanting to go into labor is a little like having a crush. You know how when you first start to like someone and then every single thing they say or do is a sign of their potential reciprocal (is reciprocal the word I'm looking for?- it doesn't seem right.) attraction for you? I feel like that is what it's like to want to go into labor. Every single twinge of pain or wiggle of the baby or stronger-than-average contraction, or poo, has become a sign of pending labor. This baby might not come out for another four weeks (and I might drive myself to the brink of an emotional breakdown if that happens).

Currently, I'm having contractions, irregularly. Nothing to brag about. Not enough to warrant going to the hospital or call the midwife about, dammit.

Hopefully sooner than later. I'm thinking sooner. What? I've seen the signs, I swear!

still nothin'

2009-12-14T10:38:00.003-05:00

I'm still knocked up. I have contractions all day, every day. It's awful. I'm sore and tired all the time. So far, they're not close enough to produce a baby or another overnight stay in the hospital. I'm thankful for that, since it's still too early. However, I'm tired of writing down these silly contractions.

I'm ready to be a mommy, with a baby on the outside. I'm awake every hour to pee. My shoulders hurt form lying on my side all day and my stomach muscles are so sore that I gasp in pain every time I move too quickly, which isn't too quick these days.

I'm also a little tired of all the expert moms I know telling me how I need to nap up now, because it's not going to happen when the baby comes. Apparently, if you've never had a baby, you have no idea what they're like. I'm tired of it. I've been babysitting since I was twelve. I understand that having a baby and babysitting are very different worlds, but I think I've been fairly introduced to some of the difficulty of taking care of a baby.

Babies sleep. They sleep all the time. Now, I know that they don't sleep all night or all day, but they sleep, all the time. Another thing, lots and lots of babies sleep for more than an hour at a time, which would be an improvement from the number of consecutive hours I get in any given day. I'm up every hour to pee and generally for more than an hour in the middle of the night to eat, pee, rehydrate, and work out all the kinks in my body before I try to fall back asleep for an hour.

As you can probably tell, I've stopped being a good sport about being knocked up. I'm tired and sore. I want to sleep for a couple hours and do it without the pain I endure every time I move. Other than that, I can't complain.

I'm lucky to be able to be on bed rest. We're super broke and every once in a while it makes me cry, but at least we're pulling through. That's more than many people can say. I'm thankful for Ben. He's a good sport and a hard worker. I'm lucky to have him. (He's not such a bad house keeper either.)

Another couple weeks and it'll be safe for me to move around, and you can bet I'm going to be moving. I have big plans, including; walking up and down the stairs, to the island and back with the dog, and doing lunges. This baby will be coming out in no time.

ready freddy

2009-12-10T08:10:00.008-05:00

I spent another night in the hospital this week. I started having contractions at regular intervals (five minutes apart, lasting for about a minute). Even though it's still two weeks early, they've decided not to medically inhibit labor if it happens. Instead, they hook my up to machines and let me sleep. So far, this has been enough to stop labor. It might not last, but it's been good enough so far. I have my fingers crossed for two more weeks. I'm excited to meet this little baby and see if I have a son or a daughter, but it's simply not good for babies to be born early. Sure, they live and can be healthy, but it's better for them to be fully cooked. Two more weeks is the minimum amount of time I have to finish cooking this baby. 40 weeks would be ideal (every extra day being better than the one before), but I'll take 37 weeks.

After the baby shower, we're pretty set up and ready to go too. Well, as ready as we're ever going to be.

We have our Amby bed (which has been recalled due to suffocation hazard):

our bassinet,

and our crib all put together.

Why we have three sleeping stations for the baby is beyond me. My mother-in-law bought us the Amby bed and the bassinet and we were given the crib. I guess it's nice to have so many options, but we live in a small apartment, so it seems a little unnecessary.

We also have tons of cloth diapers (thanks ma!):

aren't they cute? We're going to have the cutest tiny hiney in town.

Now all we need is a baby:

(this is Tuesday afternoon right before we left home from the hospital).

My friends kick ass

2009-12-10T07:19:00.005-05:00

It's true! I have really great friends. We had our baby shower this weekend and so many people showed up. And brought prezzies! They brought wipes, clothes, bottles, coupons for free babysitting, food, massage oil, gift cards, and all kinds of great stuff. I think I had a little bit if a weepy moment. I looked around at all my friends who were there, sharing in our excitement with our soon-to-be expanding family and felt really blessed. So many people showed up came over. I had no idea I have so many friends. I don't know why I was surprised to see everyone, but I was. Everyone made such an effort to be there too. They all have lives, families and jobs of their own, but they all made an effort to be there. Some people brought prezzies and others just showed up to hang out and share in our excitement. Some people stayed all day and others came for just a few minutes to pas out hugs, kisses and well wishes. It was a really great weekend. We are incredibly blessed.

Now, I'm going to brag on my friend Charlotte. She deserves a little special attention. She is lovely beyond words. I don't know if you remember, but she the one who made me happy cakes one day (from scratch-and for a surprise), just because I was sad. She used to live here. She lives a couple hours away now, so I don't get to see her as much as I would like. She's pretty awesome. She came up Friday night with a ton of food. She brought us four, huge frozen dinners.

We're having chicken pot pie tonight. We ate turkey meatballs in sauce with noodles the last couple of nights. (we have another pot pie and gumbo too.

Not only did she come with food, but she also brought more prezzies for the baby and she visited with me all weekend and cooked dinner Saturday night. She spoil us. We're lucky to have her. (You should check out her website. She's a chef, writer and food stylist. She makes the food and makes it look pretty and her partner (in life and job) takes all the photos. He has a website too. ).

So, basically, I'm super lucky. And I know it. It's good to be me.

bed rest

2009-12-04T08:27:00.004-05:00

I'm still on bed rest. It's not as luxurious as it sounds. In fact, it's quite boring. I listen to the news on the radio until 9 am and then I start my day of searching for other longer radio shows to listen to. Most days so far, I also watch movies - friends have brought a bunch of movies for me to watch. I also rented some movies from the library right before bed-rest, so I've had plenty of trash to watch this week. I'm all out now, though. Time to send Ben to the library to get me some more (it's only $.25/ movie for a week). They don't have the best selection, but it's better than watching the dust collect in the corners. And without television, it's the next best thing to napping.

As boring as it is so be on bed rest, there have been some benefits. Lots of people really like me and they visit me and bring food and movies and books and visit with me. I love it. I've had all kinds of visitors. One friend brought me some oranges and nail polish, just in case I wanted my toes done. She also brought some veggies and curry paste, so she and Ben made delicious dinner for the three of us. A couple friends came over one day and took Gus for a long walk-and-wrestle session with their pup. And two days ago two more friends came over to knit/crochet with me. And, and! nearly everyone has either brought me a book, movie or food!! It's really great. It's weird, but bed rest has helped me to realize how great my friends are. People have called just to check in and send their love. It means a lot to me that people have made the effort (despite their incredibly busy lives) to visit with me and let me know they miss having me around.

I wouldn't have expected bed rest to be a blessing in this way, but it's been a nice surprise.

Poor ole Ben has been all kinds of busy taking care of me and the house. I used to do all the chores. Seriously. I washed the tubs, toilets, floors, dishes and clothes. I swept and mopped, dusted every week. I made dinner and did the dishes every night. But now, I can't!! I always thought Ben just never noticed what needed to be done. Not so. He sees it, he just stopped taking the initiative. He tells me now that it's because I was faster than him. Riiii-iiiight. I think I might have to slow down from now on, if that's the case. I feel bad for Ben (but only a tiny bit), he really does do a lot of work. I recognize how much he does for us, which is part of the reason I've taken on most of the house chores. But now that I know he's capable of folding laundry and emptying the dishwasher, I might back off a little. Practice makes perfect, right?

almost there

2009-11-27T07:49:00.006-05:00

Woo-eee, would you take a look at that tummy! This me at 32 weeks (which makes me 8 months- two months from Baby day).

First, let me answer two commonly asked questions you might have:

1. Yes, my due date is correct. When this photo was taken I had 5 weeks for an early term baby and 8 weeks for an average full term baby.
2. No, I'm not having twins, there's only one baby in there.

It's sort of amazing how people respond to my baby belly. For some reason, people feel free to share their amazement at my size. There is something wrong with this, if you ask me. It's not nice to hear how enormous I am...all the time. When was the last time one of your chubby friends was told they were getting a little soft? Not recently,I hope. Why, because it's unnecessary. I'm the only one who puts on my clothes in the morning. I realize the elastic is about to bust on all my underpants. I don't need the reminder from all the strangers I see all day.

On the other hand, I get it. I know I'm awfully big. I'm growing a baby in what amounts to a water balloon. I don't know who those ladies are who only gain 25 pounds (I think they might be martians), I'm up 40. Not bad, if you were to ask me. Unfortunately, no one's asking.

Another weird thing about being knocked up is the way people respond to me. Most women feel completely at ease talking to me about being pregnant or the size of my enormous belly. Most men seem completely terrified at the sight of my belly. When their wives or girlfriends start talking to me about my tummy, they all act very uncomfortable. It's almost like they think pregnancy is contagious. Maybe they're afraid their lady-friends haven't been properly vaccinated and I'll cough Gettin' Knocked Up all over them. The only exception to this rule is men who are already daddies. They don't seem to shy to talk to me about babies. They're the best. Most of them are very sweet and love to talk about their little babies, which is quite charming. For some reason they seem to be few and far between.

In other news: The baby almost came out of me yesterday. That might be exaggerating a little bit. It didn't almost come out, but it sure did threaten to. I had contractions all day Tuesday, went to the hospital Tuesday night to meet my provider (who was already there delivering a baby) and I was told to get comfortable. I spent Tuesday night in the hospital and most of Wednesday too. I finally got to come home late last night.

The only bad part is that I'm on bed rest. Boo-ooring! It's times like these when I wish I had a television and cable tv. We might have to re-evaluate our finances and see if there's a way for us to afford cable tv.

Anyway, that's the update. Things are good. I'm going to be bored for the next four weeks, but it could be worse. I'm thankful not to have a baby in the NICU. I don't want to be lying around all the time, but I can make the sacrifice for the best outcome. But, It's not going to be easy.

sex tape scandal

2009-11-10T16:06:00.004-05:00

Definitely something I'll never have to worry about. And not because I'm not a fox, mind you. I'm just not that stupid. Forgive me for saying so, but if you're dumb enough (or is it hot enough) to video tape yourself getting busy, maybe you shouldn't be too surprised when it winds up on the internet. For. real.

Now, I'm no prude , but there is no way in hell I'm going to take a video of myself getting frisky with my husband (or the Maytag man, or pizza delivery guy or whomever else might show up in a tool belt or with food).

I don't even like the way I look when I'm standing up properly with everything sucked in. I can't imagine I would ever like the way I looked all hunched over or folded in half or something. Oh ewww! Sorry dudes, not going to happen. And certainly not before I have had extensive surgical-level fat sucking, skin stapling, hair waxing, plucking, bleaching, and vodka marathon drinking session.

The former Miss California talked with someone at some morning show about her sex tape scandal and it got me to thinking.... there are an awful lot of these blond bimbos (or is it bombshells?) who are in such scandalous videos. I'm guessing there's a reason we don't see many women who aren't plumped and bleached and waxed in sex tapes.... we would like to continue to avoid any additional criticism of our already under-appreciated bodies. These ladies aren't making it easy on the rest of us, either. Knock it off ladies!

Don't get me wrong, I don't give a hoot that her hooters are bouncing around for the world to see, she's the only one who has to explain that to her parents, future partners, and potential children. I'm all fancy free of such scandal and it feels fine. The only thing I have any beef with is that she's so sorry and shit. What. ever. lady. No, you're not. I'm not fooled. You paid to have lots of plastic surgery and then got naked and turned on a video tape to record you sexy time....own it, sista. Someone ought to, Lord knows I'm not going to.

much of the same

2009-11-01T12:52:00.000-05:00

I've not been up to much. I made a pumpkin roll this week, which was absolutely divine. I got the recipe from my well-worn Betty Crocker cookbook. Boy does she know a thing or two about cooking. It's strange to me that I like that particular cookbook because I won't even consider using a recipe I find on-line if it doesn't have an accompanying photo. I also flip through cookbooks before I buy them and I expect lots of photos of food, or I'm not spending my money on said cookbook. I'm a brat like that, I guess.

Ummm...you know what? I'm totally lying. I just looked through my bookmarked pages (on the computer) and I used this recipe for my pumpkin roll. Whoops! I remember it all very well now....(I think zombies ate my brains this weekend).

Here's the roll:

It was delish! I changed the recipe a little...
I used a little less granulated sugar in the roll and none of the powdered sugar. I also used about 1/2 tsp of all spice (instead of the cloves and stuff) and 1/2 tsp cinnamon (instead of the full tsp). I also used less sugar and no butter in the cream cheese spread.

While it tasted just fine, it did not roll like it was supposed to. I did all the steps like it says, but it still broke. Thankfully, it didn't change the taste any, it was great. I think I'm going to make another like it this week. In addition, I plan to make a banana-zucchini roll with pineapple-cream cheese spread. (I'm hoping the zucchini will help to keep it moist and I'll be able to use less sugar if I use a banana.)

As for the rest of the week going as planned....let's just say that it didn't exactly happen like that. Here's the run-down:

Monday: Dinner was amazing. The ghost squash was great. It had the texture of a spaghetti squash and was just right roasted with some onions.

Stuffed mushrooms:
(Super-buttery-bacony goodness. Not good for the heart, but they made the tummy happy!)

Tuesday: (deconstructed pot-pie).....nope. KitchenAid burritos...it was Ben's idea. Not bad either. It's basically the guts to a burrito/enchilada, mixed in the KitcehnAid and served with a side of corn chips. This is what happens when Ben is let loose in the kitchen, apparently. (I've been having contractions more and more recently, which means I have to take a lot of time-outs. Fortunately for me, it was around dinner time Tuesday that it happened most recently).

Wednesday: (homemade pizza night with my lady friends)...wound up being a flop. I was stoop up. My friends who were supposed to come out were too pooped to make it. I was bummed, but a (pregnant) lady has to eat, right? Not to mention that dinner was 10 minutes from ready when I got the cancellation call so we just made pizza and pigged out on our own. It wasn't a complete waste though. We both discovered that we love homemade pizza and it's ton cheaper than eating out(so we have a winner!)

Check that shit out... nice...right?

Thursday: this night wound up being a little bit of a wreck too. I got off late from work (which never happens). So we ate the tiny bit of leftover pizza we had from Wednesday night. Not being full and still having plenty to do in town (we had to go pick up free baby stuff from some people I babysit for- more later), we drove in (too late to make it to the birth class) ate dinner at Mamacitas.

Friday:I ate deconstructed pot-pie and Ben ate pizza downstairs with my boss. It was okay, nothing spectacular.

Saturday: Not having gone shopping Saturday morning, we didn't have what we needed to make supper....so we ate out...again. We had pizza at Blue Mountain Pizza in Weaverville (a neighboring city).

Sunday: tonight we will be having stir fry..I think. We shopped this afternoon, so we have plenty to eat. Now it's just a matter of figuring out what I want to make. We'll see how this week goes.

I give myself an awful lot of credit sometimes and I might not always deserve it. I have a tight schedule, to some degree. I have a part time job and no homework (which I always imagined opening up hours and hours of time in my days) and still I have a hard time pulling it all together at times. I think part of it might be due to my new speed, which seems to be slow-motion. I hate it. I can't be on my feet for too long before I start to have contractions, either.

In addition, my dinner plans fall apart quickly if things don't go just right. I feel like I'm hungry most of the time, but when the real hunger kicks in I can be talked into anything, including eating out three times in one week (This never happens in our house and we're sure to suffer from it), just to be fed...quickly!

We'll see how next week goes. My plans are as follows:

Monday: fake fried chicken and broccoli (I never did wind up making this last week).
Tuesday: Ben's newest concoction: KitchenAid Burritos
Wednesday: dinner (out) with friends and dessert at home (I'm thinking the dessert rolls I plan to make early this week).

Thursday: Salteñas (these are Bolivian pocket snacks.)

Friday: Pot roast. It's so simple and generates lots of leftovers, which is what we need on the weekends, when we're most tempted to eat out.
Saturday: leftover pot roast.
Sunday: ??

plans

2009-10-26T11:51:00.003-04:00

I plan and I plan and I plan. I feel like I'm always making lists of things to do, things to buy, things to drop off or pick up, lots of lists of things. All these lists help me to feel organized and less panic stricken...most of the time.

One of the things I hate to plan (but do anyway, because it really does help keep me organized and saves me money!) is dinner. I plan dinners for a whole week. Honest Abe. I plan what we're going to have for dinner every. night.

Not only do I plan our dinner menu, but I make the grocery shopping lists (organized by grocery section), I also take in to consideration what our weeknight plans are for each night before planning said dinners.

I know...it's awesome. I'm awesome.

Whatever. I know this makes me a huge nerd and my kid(s?) and husband will make fun of me for it one day.... I'll get over it. I'm over it already.

Were you wondering what we're going to be having for dinner this week? You were?! Well here you go, take a look at this menu and tell me what you think:

Monday: stuffed mushrooms, roasted patty pan (aka: ghost) squash and veggie burgers
Tuesday: deconstructed potpie
Wednesday: pizza (with my lady friends), salad and popcorn
Thursday: we'll probably eat out this night, we have birth class in town.
Friday: fake fried chicken and broccoli au gratin
Saturday: chicken curry
Sunday: ?? I'm not this organized. I'll figure it out before Sunday, or we'll eat out.

For dessert this week I plan to make a pumpkin roll and some cookies. I want to learn to make sweet popcorn, so I might try that too.

Yup, that's right. These are the types of things which occupy my brain space. Thrilling, I know.

sweetness

2009-10-20T08:56:00.007-04:00

Stevie is back!! I convinced Ben that we should take her in for the winter and put her back out at the garden in the spring. She really prefers to be outside (but only on the porch) in nice weather. I am of the collective that believes that cats should be allowed to explore outside. Unfortunately, we lost Dali this summer. I thought that she would survive longer than Stevie (she loves to explore outside. As it turns out, that might have been her demise). Anyway, Stevie is still around and it's been getting cold at night.

I've been missing Stevie and it's so cold in the evenings lately. It only took a small amount of discussion to convince Ben to get on board. (Ben is Stevie's favorite person and she is his favorite cat). See:
(aren't they sweet?)

Gus also likes Stevie and she him. She smashed her face all over his mouth and he slobbered all over her face when she got home. She always has a wet face from all the making out they do all day. It's very cute!

Last night, I took a bath (not a hot bath, relax) and both of my animal sidekicks came to hang out with me. Gus nursed his bed for a while and rested in the doorway. When he left, Stevie came in to sit on the bath rug and took a bath too.

I love those silly little animals. I can't wait to have a tiny baby to hang out with too! I never get the chance to take a bath or poop alone now, I might as well add a baby in the mix.

lasagna and (vegan) peanut butter, oatmeal, chocolate chip cookies

2009-10-13T08:04:00.004-04:00

That's what I made for dinner and dessert last night. That's right, I'm awesome, and don't you forget it! The lasagna I made is loosely based on a recipe I got from a friend of a friend. It's not traditional layered lasagna, it's what we like to call "Deconstructed Lasagna". Basically, you mix the noodles (we use the large shells (they hold the sauce and veggies better)) and the sauce together in a large bowl. Then you fold in the ricotta-mozzarella mixture and pour in a pan to bake. We pre-cook our noodles, so we only bake for long enough to cook the egg in the ricotta mixture. It's so good and so easy. No messing with those stupid long noodles which always fold over on themselves and stick together and taunt you!

For dessert, I made vegan peanut butter chocolate chip cookies. Ho-lee cow! They were so good. The recipe only made about 15 cookies, 10 of which we ate last night. I got the recipe here. I changed it a little. I used vanilla yogurt (you could probably use soy yogurt to keep them vegan) instead of the applesauce and I didn't add peanuts (we don't have any). I think next time I'm going to reduce the sugar and add in a banana, to make them a little bit healthier. Basically, they are our favorite new cookie. They are so, so good. Oh, I also added a little unsweetened, shredded coconut. The best part is that they are vegan, which means that the dough can be eaten right out of the bowl. I bet you could nix the oil too and make them even healthier. I'm out of peanut butter or I would make an entire batch to eat this morning.

I'm going to have a hell of a time working off this extra (cookie) weight. Ah well, it might be worth it.

Look at the cupcakes I'm going to make one day:

They are chocolate chipotle with lime pudding filling and lime cream cheese frosting. These are also vegan.
Now, I'm all about vegan snacks but I'm not a big fan of vegan cheese substitutes. I think I would just go for it and use the real deal in this recipe.

I have also made a decision about my birthday. I think I want to have a cupcake bake-off. I'm going to be 30 next year, so I think I ought make a big deal out of my birthday. I think I'll ask my friends to make cupcakes and we'll all decide who made the tastiest cupcake. Best of all, the winner will win a prize!! Maybe a free student massage and movie tickets or something. Doesn't that sound like fun? Ben says it sound like a baby's birthday. What does he know? He's just jealous he didn't think of it first.

46,000 sq ft = 1 acre... I don't get it

2009-10-12T07:17:00.003-04:00

I had a great weekend, which might be hard to imagine after all the hating I did late last week. It's hard to be tired all the time. Like I said before, I try to be a good sport about it, but it's just not that easy.

Anyway, I had a good weekend. Friday was French Broad Friday. Ben and the boys had a BBQ fundraiser at the warehouse. People ate tons of BBQ, but donated a measly amount of funds. I think a good time was still had by all. I know I had a nice time.

Ben's nephew (from his first marriage) came to town, unannounced, so we spent some time with them Saturday afternoon. They were super boring, so I napped after lunch. One great thing about being knocked up is that I can blame it all on the baby and go back to bed. I might not get any real sleep, but it'll get me out of sitting around with boring family.

I spent most of Sunday being super lazy. It was quite nice. I watched a movie, snacked and napped most of the day. Then, Ben and I talked about The Future. I have ants in my pants. I'm not ready to be done exploring. I used to think that this meant moving all the time, but I realize now that this can be done by going on vacation, too. Ben and I came to a compromise, we'll buy some land, build a tiny house and travel as much as we can. I'll still go to graduate school, but not for a while and maybe I'll be able to find a distance learning program, so we can stay here. And, I'll get to buy some chickens.

We're thinking we might be able to save enough money to put a down payment on a tiny piece of land by next year. So now we're looking at tiny pieces of land, around an acre, which will accommodate a tiny house (and a chicken coop). We don't need a lot of space. We're in 900 sq.ft. now and it's the biggest space we've ever lived in. (Once, we lived in 425 sq. ft with two cats an old dog and a puppy). We know how to live compactly.

We're not sure what loans are like for farm land and all that good stuff, but we have a long time to think about all that funny business. Hell, we might change our minds by then.

So, I was looking at a piece of land this morning and I can't conceptualize the space of an acre. There is an acre for sale not far from here and I can't imagine how much space is an acre. Ben and I looked up the square footage and that didn't help one bit. Can anyone help me with this? (Dad, mom; how big was our yard on 4th Ave?)

What do you think peeps....can you help me out?

Oh, I was looking at this space. So nice, right? I can see it's potential....can you? (The existing structures are probably not worth much more than the wood they're made of, but that's okay. We could take them apart and use what's still worth something).

feeling some hate

2009-10-09T12:00:00.003-04:00

I have been trying to think of something to blog about for at least a week, but I'm so tired most days I can barely pull together three full, coherent sentences, let alone a full blog of Something Interesting. I was going to full-on complain for today's post, better to be honest than say nothing at all, right? Then, I read this blog and was inspired to bitch, because I'm convinced you care.

I'm grouchy. Maybe for no reason at all, but I'm grouchy. Not interested...? I don't care. read on:

I haven't been able to sleep for more than three consecutive hours in I don't know how long. Sure, I'm in my pajamas and in bed (kinda) for eight hours, but I'm not sleeping for all of it. I wake up every two hours to pee. Granted, we have a bathroom attached to the bedroom, which means I get to slide out of bed to pee, but I still have to get up.

My back hurts so bad. I feel like I have knives stabbing me all the time. Well, not all the time. Only when I move, stand up, sit down,walk, or roll over in bed. All other times, I feel great. It's so bad that I cry when I have to get out of bed. I flinch and nearly hop to the toilet every night.

I wake up at 5:30 every morning and have to spend an hour waking up my darling husband. It's very, very annoying. Now in his defense, he is working a lot. He works 40 hours a week at a job an hour away, so it's nearly 60 hours with driving time. Additionally, he's trying to start his own business of furniture building so he spends a lot of time at his new shop working on furniture. All this means that he gets to bed late and ignores both me and the alarm every morning. I understand that he's working hard and all, but I still hate waking him up. By the time he's finally out of bed, I'm fully awake and so is the fetus-baby, so I wind up getting out of bed too. I hate it. I'm constantly tired and increasingly annoyed with Ben for not getting up on his own.

I haven't started my new job yet. I'm ready to start to make a little money while I can. I've talked with my new boss-to-be and he's almost ready to have me working for him. So says he. I'm afraid that he's putting me off because he can't afford to have me working for him and he's simply not being honest about it. I have my fingers crossed that I'm misinterpreting all of this and will be working on Monday. (Keep your fingers crossed too, won't you?).

Ooohh!! He just came upstairs to get me!! I'm going to have some lunch, shake off the hate, and start to make some money! Woo-hoo!!

gotta go.

knocked on my ass

2009-10-02T10:01:00.003-04:00

Do you ever wake up, check your email and see that you got a response from someone whom you've not talked with in a long time (so exciting!!), read the email to find out they have cancer....and feel completely knocked on your ass?

No, never. Maybe once. Or maybe once you found out a friend's sister has cancer. Was the person you know, or know through someone else, so young that it seems nearly impossible that they have fucking cancer?

Does this scare the shit out of you?! It does me.

I have a friend who I lose contact with, on what seems like, a regular basis. However, whenever we bump into each other and catch up, it's like she was never far. She is lovely. She's funny and kind and gorgeous (holy cow, she really is beautiful). It's always nice to see her too. And I don't realize how much I miss having her around until I see her again and it's like in the moment I'm talking with her I'm also missing her for the time were apart.

Maybe it's because I'm pregnant and I miss my family (enough so that it feels like my heart is being sucked from my chest) or maybe it's because I have more free time that I've had in the last eight years, or maybe it's a combination of both, but I've been making contact with people I lost contact with in the not-too-distant past. (I should add that they also stopped keeping in touch. It's not like they called all the time and I never returned their calls). It's nice to talk with everyone and find out what's new and exciting in their lives. Most of the time there's not much new and exciting. I think most of us live fairly ordinary lives, right? Or mostly anyway.

So, I emailed a friend I haven't talked with in a long time and she emails me back and tells me: 'I would love to see you too and....ps. I have cancer'. And...what the fuck! She has cancer!? She's all of twenty five and she has fucking cancer?! Not to mention that she doesn't have health insurance, nor does she have a job. She graduated recently and her husband (who is is so amazing and generous and incredibly in love) works some five different jobs so that he can provide her the time to decide if she wants to go to graduate school or work for a little while. He didn't want her to feel pressured to do one or the other, he wanted her to be happy. So he sucks it up and works like a horse so she doesn't have to (he really is so kind and generous, it's like he's from another planet).

So I guess now she's had chemo and lost all her red hair and hasn't had a job or school work to do in a long time. I wrote her a short email and I told her that I was sorry I hadn't kept in touch better, because I would have liked to help her in some way while she was dealing with chemo and barfing and feeling like shit.

However, when I think of the reality of whether I would have really felt capable of helping, the answer is; probably not. The time she was diagnosed I was in my last semester of college, doing two research projects and freaking the hell out. Then I got knocked up and felt like I might barf if I moved off the couch and I slept all the time. (I guess we could have dry-heaved and napped together, but not much else).

I felt slightly helpless and selfish for not keeping in touch any better in the last year. I hardly think she faults me for it. Like I said earlier, it's the way our friendship has always been.

So anyway, I was knocked on my ass this morning.

Cancer scares the shit out of me. It's sneaky and doesn't only happen to old people, contrary to popular belief. Pretty much being alive guarantees you will get cancer (this is only my opinion, I don't know that there's any truth to this statement, but it seems awfully true to me). I have a friend who has had a double mastectomy and now has cancer in her blood (diagnosed at 33), another friend with cancer (diagnosed at 24) another friend whose sister is dealing with cancer (I think she's 20..22?). It's so scary.

The doctor found a lump in my boob a couple months ago and neither of us could find it on the last visit. We're waiting to see if it makes an appearance again. I don't have health insurance, so I might be forced to cut my boobs off at home if I get breast cancer (this is not the first time I've had a suspicious lump in my boob. A year or two ago, I had an ultrasound on the other one and they said it was fine...don't worry). I have high risk HPV which doesn't want to get better and I've been told that hormones released during pregnancy can cause HPV to move up the cancer-ladder much more swiftly (in the most recent Pap I had, there wasn't any evidence of HPV, but no one seems too excited about it, too early to celebrate, I guess. No sense in getting all excited about nothing).

Anyway, I was knocked on my ass this morning. I felt the need to share (to the three (lovely!!) people who actually read this blog). I have a hard time dealing with my cancer fears. It's so real and so scary, especially to someone without health insurance. It's not that I don't want it, but you know, it's not exactly offered to waitresses or shop-girls.

On a political note: keep all this in mind when you think about all this health insurance stuff that's going on right now... no one deserves to die because they're sick and broke. That's all I'll say on that soap box, I don't want to rant and rave about health insurance, or at least not today anyway.

I'm not a billionaire..or even a hundredaire

2009-09-29T08:46:00.003-04:00

I'm fairly good at cutting finding ways to cut our monthly expenses. I shop at three grocery stores; first the discount grocery store (which used to have amazing prices, now it's more like shopping with coupons, only minus all the clipping of coupons), I also go to the regular non-natural grocery store to buy all the items I couldn't get at the discount grocery store, and lastly, I go to the natural food store to buy all the meat and other products which can't be purchased at the regular grocery store. Now, most of these grocery stores are at least a half hour drive from the apartment. You might be thinking that all that driving so far away is costing me a bunch of money....but, no! I go grocery shopping when I have other things to do in town! I'm so thrifty. I make the trip worth it.

This stinks because it generally means I spend a whole day driving around in the car in busy traffic. I hate to drive. If I'm ever a rich woman, I'm going to have a driver. Or maybe just buy a bunch of bus passes. Probably something in the middle. You know, if I'm ever rich (sooo not happening).

I have also combined Ben and my car insurance on to my policy, which saved us tons of money. For some reason, Ben was paying $50 a month for insurance on his 26 year old truck. While I was spending a mere $30 a month on my eight year old car. Needless to say, Ben isn't great at saving money.

I also canceled our internet, so we have to hop on free internet, which blows. (I hate it, but it's necessary right now). I think I've already mentioned that we live without television as well. This is mostly a cost issue (I kinda like television.)

We also moved to save money. We spend $150 less now than we were spending in the other apartment. We only pay for our electricity, which brings me to our next point; the stupid electricity is going costing me a million-trillion bucks every month!

This apartment has a built-in cupboard thing to accommodate a stackable washer-dryer unit. The lady who lived here prior left the washer-dryer unit she used. (We're supposed to pay her for it, but she's never around, so for now it's not costing us anything). The washer and dryer we used at the other place is in storage.

Anyway, our electricity bill is enormous. We used to pay about $30 month in electricity. I'm such an electricity nut that I'm constantly going behind Ben to turn off lights he's left on, I only run the air conditioner when Ben' home (I hate air conditioning) and we only run the heat at night and only when it's really cold. I only wash dishes in the dishwasher when it's completely full and the same goes for the clothes washer. For the past couple of months we've spent over $100 on electricity each month. It's going to sink us. I'm thinking it's the clothes dryer. I believe it's incredibly inefficient.

Which brings me to my next (not so) short point...

Ben and I recently received a coupon from Target telling us that if we opened a wedding registry that we would receive a $20 Target gift card, for free! Seeing as we're already married (and already opened a registry at Target), this seemed awfully silly. However, twenty bucks is twenty bucks and I've done a lot more for a lot less. So, I've decided I need to go start a wedding registry to get that gift card....and buy a stupid drying rack. I was hoping to spend it on chocolate cookies or nail polish or new towels or something a little more fun. Damn I hate trying to save money, it's so boring!

my obsession

2009-09-22T15:48:00.009-04:00

I may or may not have an obsession with boobs these days....whatever, I admit that I'm newly obsessed with my boobs and those of other pregnant women. The front of my body is growing at an exponential rate. I've been lucky enough not to see too much growth in the saddle-bag/ass region (some, but nothing excessive). It's a weird thing to grow like this. I feel like I wake up and I'm bigger than I was when I went to sleep.

This brings me to my boobs (sorry dad). My poor ole dad isn't a big fan of the boobie posts. I've reached the next vowel in the alphabet, and I still have four months to grow...before I have milks in my boobies. Did you know that one must double up on consonants before reaching the next vowel? It's true.

Do you know what that means, peeps? Yes, that's right; it means I'm going to have enormous tits by the time this baby gets here. Now, while this might not sound like bad news to all of you out there (most likely those of you who have never had to haul around a pair of your own) it's not all good news. Sure, it'll be fun for a while...maybe. But one day the baby will stop nursing and then the boobies will shrink and then they might not be so foxy. What's a lady to do?

This lady won a prize for her enormous boobies:

Now, on to my obsession with other women's' boobies. I feel like I am constantly checking out pregnant women's boobies. They all seem so small! I saw a woman on Monday (who is due this Saturday) and she's probably smaller than I was before I got pregnant. She had tiny little boobies. How is that possible? Who gets that lucky? I don't get it.

Why was I first in line when tit and cellulite cards were being passed around and at the end of the line when, I dunno, trust funds or long, sexy legs were being passed out? Who do I talk to about this?!

Anyway.

Here's what I look like at this stage. I'm now six months into this gig called pregnancy. Four months to go.

Bloo

2009-09-19T09:22:00.003-04:00

We're saying good-bye to Bloo today. It's a sad, sad day. Even though we're both confident that it's the right thing to do, it's still terribly sad.

I've cried so much, I feel like I'm going to cry my face off. It's hard to love an animal as much as we do. It makes it so hard to see them go, even if they did have a great life. He is eighteen and Ben has had him for seventeen of those years. Those two have been on many adventures together, he's lived a good life.

fuggin ex-wfe

2009-09-17T09:11:00.004-04:00

I didn't' have a great day yesterday, peeps. I had to work at my dumb job waiting tables and it was so lame. People interrupted me while I was talking to ask for soda or ignored me when I asked what they would like to drink and answered the wrong question. I have big issues with people. I understand that as a server my job is to serve. However, I do not believe that this means that people should feel obligated to plop their stupid asses down, turn off their brains and boss me around all afternoon. It's okay to go out to eat and bring your manners along. Keep that in mind, peeps. Don't act like a-holes when you go out to eat. Your server might or might not be six months into a very long pregnancy which might or might not make her more likely to clobber you with the backside of her hand.

Keep it in mind.

So, before my lovely day at work, I checked the mail. I'm waiting for prezzies to arrive. They're baby prezzies (thanks mom!), but they're still terribly exciting. Knowing that they should be arriving soon, I decided to jet over to the ole P.O. No packages, only what looked exactly like junk. Not being one to assume, I opened all the mail to find a notice to my husband indicating he has an overdrawn account which has been sold to a debt collection agency.

It gets better.

Not only is the account overdrawn, but his ex-wife is a co-account holder. Now, without going into all of the divorce garbage (I don't really know much about it as I met him in the middle of his divorce and he doesn't like to talk about it), I'll tell you that my husband's ex-wife was very, very bad to him in their divorce. Not only was she doing the nasty with one of her instructors (which prompted the divorce), she also cleaned out all the bank accounts when she left (she didn't work for the duration of their marriage). We're not talking about a little bit of money. I'm not sure how much was in there, I was told once but I don't remember. I do remember there was enough to warrant a comma.

Side note: Ben is a little country (and it's very, very cute). He likes to describe her as: "mean as a two headed rattlesnake". He also describes her motivation for employment as "she wouldn't work tasting pies". Only pies, when pronounced by Ben, sounds like p-aahhhs. Very cute.

Where was I...oh, yes, overdrawn account.

So I call Ben, he calls the bank, and the bank people tell him that this account was opened and closed years and years ago. While talking with the nice bank lady, he also finds out that there was another account opened in his name- after the divorce-(in the city where she lived with her mother) which is also overdrawn and closed out.

Now comes the fun part. Ben is going to have to track down all his divorce stuff and dispute the charges. Neither one of us wants to pay this just to make it go away. We don't have any new shoes or groceries or whatever the hell it was that she bought with that money. Did I forget to mention that she also maxed out all the credit cards they had when she left. This was after Ben put her up in an apartment, paid her bills and bought her groceries. (Again, all after finding out that she wasn't faithful to him. He might be a little bit of a sucker, but he's also a good man.)

It was after all that that she opened two accounts, overdrew both of them and moved on.

Yea, she's awesome. Maybe I'll get to meet her one day....wouldn't that be something?

I'm a winner!!

2009-09-16T09:16:00.004-04:00

I think I've mentioned in previous posts that being pregnant, while nifty in some ways, is a hell of a lot of work. It's physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausting. I used to nap all the time. I would love to nap more frequently, but Ben hasn't figured out that the electricity not only powers every single light he leaves on in every single room he's visited, it also powers the stove. And the microwave.

Side note: I don't even like the microwave. We have the stupid thing because he wanted it. I think having a microwave leads to convenience foods, which are bad and full of bad (yet very, very tasty) ingredients. No one wants to wait 45 minutes for pizza pockets. Which means not having a microwave allows one to avoid standing in the kitchen to eat an entire, hot-like-lava box of pizza snacks. This also (in my opinion) avoids unnecessary consumption of Foods-Which-Stick-to-the-Ass (of which I'm a big fan).

Annny-way....

I still have to cook things to eat (this baby won't take ""no" for an answer) and clean things and fold things. Needless to say, this leaves very little time for napping.

I was under the stupid impression that merely having a job (and no homework at the end of the day) would allow me to knit and sew and make lollipops to my hearts delight.

No. such. luck.

Being all pregnant and running around all day really hurts. My back feels like it's riddled with knives. It's really, really awful. Sometimes, it's so bad that I cry when I have to stand up. Serious. It's that bad.

I'm not a rich woman (this, despite all the running around I do all day), which makes it difficult to see the appropriate providers who could alleviate some of my discomfort.

I've decided that I've had enough. Enough! I tell you. I made appointments with a chiropractor (who takes the pregnancy-only Medicare that covers me right now), a massage therapist (the appointment is at a massage school, with a student, which is a great deal at $30/hour), and an acupuncturist (also a school with a sliding scale). I'm so pumped! I'm finally going to feel better.

I put in my notice at the restaurant, checked in and it looks like I'll be working downstairs in the gallery beginning next month sometime. It's going to be good, all good.

In baby news: I went to the doctor yesterday and we seem to be growing fine. In fact, I'm gaining weight like a champ. I managed to gain 10 pounds in the last month!! I'm going to meet my maximum goal weight of 35 pounds no problem! The midwife was nice enough to tell me that 20 pound in 23 weeks is fine and I'm not gaining too fast. I think she's just being nice. Especially since the recommended goal weight for the second trimester is 1 - 1.25 pounds a week. I met that and doubled it! Take that cookies! and cupcakes! and other delicious snacks, like cheese!

It's not all bad though, Ben gained 13 pounds last month right along with me! Although neither of us can figure out where it went, he's still a skinny-minnie.

the swine flu can kiss my piggly ass

2009-09-14T08:57:00.003-04:00

I had one of the most boring weekends this weekend. It came and went too quickly, which always makes me sad. I'm not ready for Monday.

Friday night was good. Ben and his friends had the opening of Burnpile Studios & the Dirty Boys Cooperative Extension Gallery. They gave away PBR for a dontaion and made over a hundred bucks. After paying for beer, it leaves them about $75 up. Not much, but not bad for a party which was discussed the Monday prior.

We spent Saturday night with Ben's dad and step-mom (in Raleigh). It was okay, mostly. Ben's dad is great. He's very sweet and gentle. (I think Ben takes after his dad in this way.) His step-mother, on the other hand, is strange, to say the least. She seems incredibly uncomfortable whenever I talk to her. I try to keep The Crazy at bay when we hang out with them, but it doesn't seem to help. Far as I know, she has no idea that I was a naked lady dancer or had a girlfriend for years and years or voted for Obama. As far as she knows, the only crazy thing I do is cut my hair real short every couple of years. Maybe she has See-Through-Your-Life glasses which allow her to see my secret, dirty skeletons and that's why she's so weird when I'm around.

Needless to say, it was weird and uncomfortable to be there. At one point, she was talking about me while I was in the room, and failed to include me in the conversation. I'm not sure why. Maybe she thought it would be too much to hear my noxious voice? She was whispering about how scandalous it is that I've chosen not to find out the sex of the baby until it comes shooting (it will come shooting, right?) out of me.

ANYway. It was awkward and weird for a day and a half. We survived.

On the upside, my sister-in-law told me that she had the swine flu while we were at the beach. We shared a bedroom with her for the entire week we were at the beach. She was coughing and gagging and all gross and we were breathing it alllll in. I'm not irritated that we all shared a room or anything, but that no one told me that I had been exposed to the swine flu when she found out. My mother-in-law is generally pretty good about keeping everyone informed about things like that, and I heard nothing from her. She did ask me (shortly after we got back from the beach) if I was going to get vaccinated and was pleased when I told her I was (I've since changed my mind).

I think I would be less annoyed that I was left out of the loop had I not felt like utter shit the week after we got back from the beach. I would have liked to be able to go to the doctor and let them know that I had been exposed and that I felt like hell. Especially, since I'm pregnant.

I might be making a mountain out of a mole hill...but it seems like that's just the kind of thing you tell someone...who's knocked. up!

Whatever. It's done now. I'm alive. The baby is alive (I can feel him/her kicking all the time). We're fine. But, sheesh.

lame is as lame does

2009-09-10T10:15:00.005-04:00

Okay, I realize that I'm super lame. I only post once a week and even those posts aren't particularly interesting. I have all kinds of good intentions...and yet nothin'.

You see, I'm so insanely tired these days. I'm sure I've mentioned that I sleep in two hour intervals and I can't seem to get enough combined two-hour intervals to count for something.

We had chili and last night sand the fart factory was cranking them out full-speed-ahead which made it a little difficult to fall back to sleep. Honestly, it was as if someone has shit all over the place.

Silly musical fruit.

I don't think I came here to talk about farts....where was I....?

Oh, yes. I'm lame. and tired. Which makes me more lame than usual.

Let's see....maybe I can come up with something.....

I have a new job! I'll be working downstairs as the shop girl for the handsome man who runs Firewalker Gallery. It's a good deal. I'll be able to sit most of the time. Which means I'll also be able to knit most of the time. I'm hoping this will all add up to me making a little money selling knitwear when the days finally cool off.

Currently, I hate my job. I've always hated waiting tables. I hate it even more when I don't make much money. I have huge tits and a huge tummy now, which seems to suck the money out of men's (and women's!!) pockets faster than cleavage ever did. It's too bad I only have a half dozen tables each day.

Who knew all it took was being knocked up to make it matter most? I should apply at Hooters. I'll make those shorts look great..and even tinier than they really are.

Maybe thaaaa-aat's what I'll be for Halloween!! Hot damn, I'll definitely win a costume contest, right?

good news

2009-09-03T10:16:00.004-04:00

I have some potentially great news, peeps....I might have a new job. And, it will not include the following; giving information about specials, schlepping back and forth across a restaurant for mayo (I admit that mayo isn't heavy enough to schlep, but this baby sure is) and won't include having strange men try to take my photo while I'm not looking (this happened two days ago). I guess the latter might still happen.

Anyway.

I might have a job working.....wait for it....downstairs!! Yes that's right. The guy who lives downstairs is thinking of having someone in his shop during the day so he can do other things and keep the doors open for people to come in.

You see, he lives (part time) in the very back, does his woodworking in the middle, and has a gallery in the front. I would, obviously, be his shop girl. I would be there when he either can't because he's working on things in the shop, or at his house, or on someone else's house, or simply doesn't want to hang around. The best part...I get to sit!! and read!! and knit!! all day. And get paid for it!! He also has two doggies who are very sweet and cute.

Not only might I get to stop waiting tables to transition to a sitting job, I might have two doggie side-kicks.
Keep your fingers super crossed for me -k-?

Update:

I'm in a bad, bad mood this afternoon. I just finished up at work and I made embarrassingly little money. It's just awful. I haven't made this little money since I was a teenager. Every afternoon when I come home, I put my meager earnings in a small box, to go to re-pay a large debt we owe (which helped us get into this apartment when all hell broke loose a couple months ago). It's so hard to see the pile barely grow each day. I'm going to babysit tonight and I will make more in those three hours than I did in five hours today at the restaurant. I hate it. I'm bummed. Am I an asshole for not feeling more grateful for this job?

snacks

2009-09-01T09:28:00.009-04:00

Ever since I got knocked up, all I want are sweet foods. I want to eat ice cream for breakfast, granola bars for snacks and sugary oatmeal for dinner. I think that this is probably a bad habit to get into, unless I want to spend a long time working out and/or hating my body after the baby comes out.

Side note: Most moms I know say that pregnancy is a time to let loose and give one's self (is that grammatically correct: one's self??) the permission to eat whatever she wants. However, some of these same moms hate their post pregnancy bodies because they carry extra weight that is hard to take off. Mostly, because it's hard work being a mom and no one wants to go exercise after boob-feeding a baby all day, keeping the house in order, changing diapers, walking doggies and cooking for at least herself, if not also her partner (this might be in addition to a job/classes she might have). I know that it comes down to embracing the bodies we have and realizing that the body changes during pregnancy and that the post-pregnancy body is part of being a mom, and all that crap. I'm not feeling it.

It is partially for this reason (and because it's bad for the body to freak it out on sugar all day) that I try to stay away from super sugary foods (now and before I got pregnant). However, this does not mean that I don't indulge. I indulge plenty, but I try to indulge in what I call "good" sugars. These sugars come from fruits and do not have added sugars. Here is a fine example of what I mean:

Strawberry shortcake:

No need to add extra sugar here, strawberries are already perfectly sweet. They were also organic and on sale, even sweeter! Now, I did add sweetener when I made the whipped cream, but it was maple syrup and that's okay, in my opinion. I got the recipe for the shortcake on Closet Cooking, which is one of my new favorite blogs. The shortcake was perfectly sweet, without being too sweet.

I also made banana-carrot cake last week:

It doesn't have any added sugar or oil (in the cake, the frosting is another story), which is perfect. It wound up being more like a bread (a little dense) than a cake (light and fluffy). All the same, it is delicious. I frosted it with a cream cheese frosting, also sweetened with maple syrup. The recipe can be found here.

I love maple syrup for a sweetener. Not only is it sweet, but it has a great flavor as well. Call me crazy, but I'm convinced it's not as bad for the body as refined sugars. It's basically a win-win on the sugar front, in my opinion.

Now for the savory part, this is what I'm calling deconstructed pot pie:

I'm not sure what else to call it. It has ground turkey, peas, corn, carrots, onions, potatoes, milk, butter and flour. It's one of our favorite dinners and it's super easy to make. I also think it's quite healthy...minus the biscuits, which are buttery goodness. They are made with so much butter that it negates all the fretting I do over not consuming too many sugar fats. Who can blame me? Butter is delicious. Too bad it's not good for me.

yet again...I'm exhausted

2009-08-27T09:33:00.008-04:00

Hi peeps!!

I wish I could say that I have something funny or witty, or even gross to share with you this fine day. But, I don't. I really, really don't. I'm so tired. All I want to do is sleep. I sleep in two hour intervals right now. I don't expect that this is going to end until the baby comes out and starts to sleep all night. Some people tell me this can take over a year!! I certainly hope not.

All the pregnancy books tell me that this is normal and it's all a part of the body getting ready for feeding a baby every two hours. I'm not sure why my stupid body needs to get ready five months in advance. Couldn't we work on this six weeks in advance? At least after I give my notice at my job, or something?

I either wake up to pee or change positions all night. It's a good thing I don't flush every time I pee, or I might have emptied every reservoir in the area by now.

I'm thankful I don't have this incredible exhaustion on top of having classes. It's bad enough to have to go to work and ask people if they want the sandwich special or platter special. (I effing hate waiting tables!).

In addition to being generally exhausted all the time, I'm sore most of the time too. It's not easy to be on my feet for five hours , lugging around 15 extra pounds. It wears me out. I've picked up some extra shifts too.... hating it. I'll be working a double again this Friday. I'll also be working Saturday night for the next couple weeks. One good thing about being knocked up, is that everyone is ready to let me leave first, which is awesome. I'm thinking I might try to get rid of my Saturdays too. I'm not going to make that much money and I don't think the extra twenty bucks is going to be worth the backache that will punish me when my shift is over.

So, there you have it; I'm exhausted and I'm tired of being so exhausted. The same pregnancy books say that women who have jobs where they are standing for more than four hours should quit by 24 weeks, that would give me a month left. It's too bad they don't tell us how to make some money while we're not working. I'm thinking I'll keep this up for as long as I can. Of course, I'll be talking with my midwives to get their approval too. I think I can tough it out a little longer.

I'm feeling the baby move now (!!), which makes me feel better. It has been fairly still since yesterday and I was getting worried.

Here are some ultrasound photos of the baby:

Left: the knee and foot, curled under his/her tooshie. Look how good the sonographer is, she took a photo of half a tooshie without showing the other parts. We all have to wait to find out if it's a boy or a girl.
Right: the tiny foot. Ben says that it looks like a boy foot. Now he's semi-convinced we're having a boy.

Left: the heart valve (it's the dark circle in the larger white circle).
Right: the profile. I think the baby has a tiny Ben nose. Boy or girl, I'm thinking the nose is Ben's.

I covet, for that I shall burn in hell

2009-08-26T09:34:00.004-04:00

I want a television with cable. I'm bored and I don't want to read. Does that make me a dumb ass? Sometimes, I might answer that question with a "yes!", but not today.

I'm not a dumb ass. I want to watch educational shows, like Dirty Jobs with the foxy Mike Rowe (drooling..) and the shows where people cook foods in a contest. I also want to watch.... I don't really know. I never really watched much television when we had it, so I don't know what I'm missing.

I want to know what I'm missing. Oohh!! Oprah and Ellen! I watched those shows sometimes when I had television. I watched them as I cooked dinner, like a good housewife. So the Hubs came home and I was all cute in my apron watching Oprah and crying and cooking up a delicious, nutritious din-dins. Basically, I'm a kick-ass housewife when I have television. Now, I'm forced to listen to the same archived NPR shows I've heard a million-trillion times.

Yesterday, I tried to watch television shows on Hulu and it sucks eggs. My computer automatically shuts down for no good reason and it take a million years to set back up and find an internet connection that I can use to watch the show, so it's basically a waste of time. So much so that I decided I would rather sleep than wait for the computer to get it's shit together so I could watch the last half of the program. It was too boring to wait and I'm not patient for television. I want it to be fast!

You know, not only do I not have cable, I don't even own a television. I'm like some crazy hippy. Some crazy, bored, bacon-eating, short haired, hippy. I guess I'm not anything like a hippy. I'm just poor. Poor people don't have television and neither do I. And right now, it's boring! I want television.

And new sheets. These are pretty:

And matching towels for the bathroom:

and some cute ones for the kitchen too:

wish list

2009-08-24T08:31:00.005-04:00

I have a mental wish list I am always trying to fulfill. Here are some of the items I could think of this morning:

cheese slicer:

I used to have one of these, but it seems I lost it in a move or someone stole it from me. For the time being, I have to cut cheese...and it's just too much work. I want a slicer.

French butter bell:

I want my butter to be spreadable at room temperature, at all times.

food processor:

These fabulous creations make everything so easy. It will also facilitate baby food making in the future.

plants:

I want a house full of plants. I only have a couple aloe very plants and a couple fussy lemon-lime plants. We have a lime tree, too. It's not bad, just a little boring. I want to have plants everyhere. They make me happy.

cooling rack:

I think I used to have one of these too. Clearly, there is a kitchen thief running amok.

drying rack:

I also used to have one of these, but I broke it when I used it to catch my fall when the puppy tripped me. It broke into a million pieces.

vintage upholstery fabric:

I also like this fabric and this one too.

I have a couple couches and a chair that are driving me nuts. We bought them used for a great price and I hate the current fabric on them. It was a light denim, which we tried to dye with little success. Now, they always look dingy and gross. I hate them so much. I want a cute, funky, vintage fabric to make some new covers. I'm on the lookout, but it's not easy, nor is it economical. I think I might end up buying some muslin and dying it instead....boooo-ooriing!

I don't imagine I'll be receiving any of these items in the near future, especially since we're constantly in a state of broke. A lady can dream, can't she?

Oh, and if you were to ask me what kinds of things I want for the baby, my answer would be.... diapers. We're going to use cloth diapers, which are an incredibly expensive investment, initially. However, they really save tons of money in the future. The amount of money we'll have to spend to get our selves set up on diapers will be the equivalent to about six weeks worth of disposables. The best part is the cloth diapers should last well over a year, if they're taken care of properly. I'll need a drying rack if I want to extend the life of the diapers, so maybe I'll have one of those in the near future.

I like the Bum Genius diapers. They are adjustable. The website says that they are good from 7-35 pounds. Sounds good to me.

There are a couple other brands we like, but I can't remember the names of them, and diapers are boring and I don't want to talk about them anymore.

furniture from The Hubs (aka: Lovie)

2009-08-21T15:09:00.008-04:00

Finally(!!), some of the pieces of furniture Ben has built for me. I should confess that I love, love, love the furniture he makes. I think it's perfect. I should also confess that I have an emotional connection to the furniture he has made. This is probably because he made most of it for me either upon request or as a surprise.

Ben made this bedside shelf for me last year. It is made from sorghum and birch.

from the side:

He made me this small table when he was courting me. I told him I wanted to go garage sale-ing to find a table to fit over my radiator (I was living in a teeny tiny apartment with radiators for heat, and not enough shelf space). He surprised me with this table. It's beautiful, yes?

and the top:

Next up is the desk he made for me. The wood is all scrap from jobs he was working on at the time.

The top is recycled, compressed paper. It's called Paperstone.. He also snagged this from the trash at a job he was working on at the time. It was leftover from a kitchen counter he put in a remodeled home. It's amazing. It can take a beating, get wet, and everything without being ruined or making a difference, really. It's tough stuff.

Here is the shelf he made for the apartment. I have lots and lots of books (I've sold, donated, or traded three boxes and I still have so many!). As you can see, the apartment walls are all brick. Needless to say, there aren't any shelves in this place, so Ben made one.

Again, he used scrap wood from a job he was working on. It is made of a bunch of small pieces of cedar. As you can see from the top picture, the small pieces are all glued, smashed together, sanded and oiled to make one cohesive piece (think your wood floors, same concept).

He didn't finish (by finish, I mean stain or otherwise alter the wood/color) the piece, he just put a tiny bit of tung oil on it so it still smells like cedar. It's definitely one of my favorites.
It's also huge and will probably have to stay here when we move (it is 14'1"). He made the very large brackets to mirror a similar style used on the kitchen counter brackets.

Lastly, this is the tee-vee table he made for us. This is usually the piece the majority of our friends like the most, and is our least favorite piece. I love it and think it's beautiful, but there's something about it that I don't love-love and I can't place it. It's is also made from sorghum and plywood.

As you can see, it doesn't hold a television for us. It does hold our equivalent which is a computer hooked to a larger screen (which Ben uses when he does architectural drawings) and a Makita radio for sound. We're high class.

checkbooks suck eggs and then I make custard

2009-08-20T08:13:00.005-04:00

I'll just get to it; I've made some kind of mistake in my checkbook and I don't know where. In order to find the mistake I have to go to the bank for the second time to get them to print out another month's worth of transaction information. I would try to explain the stupid mistake, but I'm afraid it's too boring and complicated for me to make any sense of it.

Okay, I'll try. Last month, we took a lot of money from people for the beach house and put it in the bank. I didn't want us to get all rich-feeling and spend money that was meant for the beach house, so I didn't write down the deposits properly. I skipped the ones that were related to the beach house until the beach house people charged me for the house and then I wrote everything all down all funny like.

For some dumb-assed reason, I thought this system as going to keep me from getting too mixed up later when I was checking over the check book. Boy as I wrong. Now, it's a colossal mess. It looks like I forgot to write down a huge deposit that belonged to us. So, Ben is ready to spend, spend, spend like we're all rich and everything. Thing is, even though it's all a mess, I think it's mostly right, and we're not rich. I have my fingers crossed that I'm wrong. We need to be paying some people some money, so it would be real great if we had some money with which to do that.

So now I get to spend my morning driving 20 minutes each way to get another print out.

About those eggs:

I made egg custard (aka: flan). The larger one is caramel and the other chocolate. I got the recipes from this blog. (I went to high school with her).

They are delicious, don't ask Ben, he doesn't know.

blog cabin

2009-08-18T09:29:00.003-04:00

I don't have cable.I don't even own a television. It's true. I don't watch tee-vee. Ever. Well, unless I'm babysitting and it's night time and stories have been read and the kiddies are in bed. Then, and pretty much only then, do I watch tee-vee. And, I love it. I'm not a "Kill Your Television" bumper sticker toting broad. I recognize that tee-vee turns the brain to mush, but I do love it a little. I especially love this guy:

Holy smokes!!, right? Ben calls him my boyfriend...(I wish!)

He has a show called Dirty Jobs in which he performs...well...dirty jobs. Not of the variety I have in mind for him, but regular dirty jobs. Something along the lines of flooding and then working a cranberry bog or jerking of a horse to inseminate another horse. You know, regular nasty stuff like that.

I'm not sure where this is going, the point of this post isn't about Mike Rowe, it's about the Blog Cabin, from DIY network.

You see, there is a channel called DIY and they build a cabin/house with the specifications of the popular vote of people who watch the show.Then they let anyone over 21 try to win the house in a drawing. I only know about it because they are going to allow local artists help to stage the house (with furniture and the like)and fill the lodge (which is part of the tour of the house) with goods for the duration of the tour. I guess the show built a house on lake Lure and it had over 27,000 visitors. This is good news if you're an artist who is trying to get in the game and sell some stuff. (It does have it's weird elements in that it's a staged community and all. I don't know much about it, so I won't rant or rave either way.)

The other great part is that it's only Madison County artists who get to showcase their things. I think this is great because it gives credit to Madison County which is much smaller than Buncombe County, which most people think of as the artsy part of this area. Another great aspect is that they aren't taking any commission,every artist gets to keep 100% of the list price of their piece. Ben is going to make a table to put in the cabin or lodge, whichever they allow. This will hopefully allow for some much needed exposure for his work.

He makes beautiful furniture and would rather be building that than doing trim work. Maybe one day he will be making enough money to quit doing generic construction and can exclusively build furniture. Until then, he's working 40 hours a week at a job which is an hour away, bar tending one day a week to pay for his new shop space, and using the tiny bit of extra time he has to make furniture.

I forgot the photo

2009-08-16T13:56:00.001-04:00

Here's a photo of an entrelac blanket I really like.

it's getting to be that time

2009-08-16T13:28:00.004-04:00

It's not cold yet. In fact, some days it feels like it'll never cool off. The nights are cooler now, which is so nice.But the days are still so hot. I feel very lucky to be able to sleep with the windows open in the evenings. I love waking up to fresh air in the living room (remember, we don't have any windows in the bedroom). I look forward to cooler days in the (hopefully) near future.

With the cold air moving in soon (or eventually) I've been thinking about getting back to knitting. I want to make a blanket this fall/winter. Ben really wants me to make a baby blanket too. He has never taken much of an interest in my knitting, but he's told me a couple times that he wants me to make a baby blanket. I've been thinking of making an entrelac blanket for some time. Entrelac is a unique way of knitting and purling which creates a woven look to the finished product. It's very pretty and complicated looking. I've heard that it's not that hard to do either, which is a plus.

I've been feeling incredibly lonely lately. I don't know if it's all due to hormones, or what, but it's been getting to me. I've boo-hoo-ed too many times about not having anyone to hang out with, so I've decided to do something about it. I'm going to learn to knit enrelac and go to knit night at Purl's in Asheville. I'm also going to sign myself up for pre-natal yoga at the hospital. Ben and I don't have any friends with kids, so I thought this might give me the opportunity to meet other moms/moms-to-be. I'm hoping I'll meet someone with a similar sense of humor (and other what-nots) who has not completely lost her identity to being a mom. Do you know what I mean? I think we all know people who turn all weird when they have kids and they become parents and their former selves cease to exist. I want to avoid that as much as possible.

Anyway, I have plans, big plans. I'll keep y'all posted about my progress. In the meantime, check out Maughta's Etsy page. She's making cool boxes, which would make great prezzies! I just noticed that the name of the page is M 'n' P Paper and Glass. I don't see any glass listed yet, but I imagine they will be posting some of Patrick's art in the future. Patrick makes beautiful stained glass. In fact, I have a piece in one of my windows right now. (Orrrr, it's supposed to be, but Ben hasn't hung it up yet)

my brain is mush and I don't give a hoot

2009-08-13T08:44:00.002-04:00

It's so true, peeps. I'm so bored and tired.

I don't get proper sleep anymore. I wake up every couple hours to pee and move over in bed. If I don't turn over ever so lightly I get a shooting pain in my abdomen. I've never been stabbed before, but I think I can imagine what the pain might be like. Needless to say, I'm exhausted all the time.

I started my job this week. I'm working for a friend (she's really more of an acquaintance). It's not bad to be able to work across the street, but it's also making me crazy. She's so super friggin' bossy. Apparently, she is the only person in the universe who has ever worked in a restaurant and therefore she is the smartest person in the universe. Okay, it's not that bad and she is the boss.However, she's a little wound up for a 20 a table restaurant which isn't even that busy. So far my daily average is about $25/day. Yes, that's right, twenty five dollars. A day. It's better than nothing, but it stinks. I work 10:30-3:30 and make about $25. It's across the street though, so I don't have to drive anywhere and spend any money on gas.

I might have another job soon too. The guy who has a shop downstairs from the apartment wants someone to sit in his shop to be there while people walk through and ask questions about the stuff he has. (The place is an mini-art gallery in the front, his wood shop in the middle and a tiny apartment in the back). I think I can handle that. I could sit and I don't complain about a job which allows sitting. It's also probably only until tourists stop coming through, which would be around September/October.

I'm also trying to pick up some babysitting jobs for as long as I can. Once I have my baby, I think I can pass up babysitting jobs for the most part. I don't particularly want to babysit most of the time, but I need the money. It's not that I hate other people's children or anything, but it's a lot of work, and a little boring sometimes. But, it pays. And as you can see, I do what it takes to make a couple bucks. Unfortunately, it winds up being only a couple bucks.

We're still fighting fleas. We put Borax all over the floors before we left for the beach and vacuumed it all up, like we were instructed. I think it worked, mostly. The dogs still have fleas on them, so we're washing them with blue Dawn soap, which seems to be keeping them at bay. Did I mention that we did not have fleas until the neighbor across the hall got them and started putting her cleaning shit (rags, vacuum and other cleaning stuff) on the nasty rug outside her apartment, which is three feet across from our apartment. This is the same rug that nearly spans the entire walkway. Which means that we all have to step on it to enter/exit the apartment. Which means, the dogs likely got fleas from her rug. The dogs did not have fleas before her apartment was infested with them. Did I also mention that this same woman is my new boss?

Lastly, I have to straighten out my checkbook, which is sure to be lots of fun. I forgot to write down a deposit, which would seem like good news, but I'm suspicious that we don't really have any money. It would be great it we did, but it's never happened, so I have a hard time believing it's true. Not Ben, he's convinced we're suddenly rich.

Sorry I'm so boring and un-funny. I'm pooped. I'll try to pull something together in the next couple days.

beach

2009-08-06T07:56:00.002-04:00

I have enough time to post a couple photos before everyone begins to wake up.

This is Uncle Ben learning what is can mean to have a 4.5 year old around the house. He's having his hair done. Oh, and she's already wrapped him around her little,tiny finger. I already know who's going to have to be the bad guy when our baby arrives.

Alivia loves to have her photo taken. She also loves her Auntie Heather.

This is me looking great all knocked up and foxy in the ocean.

(Kinda looks like that man is trying to poop on my shoulder, doesn't it? Uncle Ben needs a lesson in Taking Pictures, no?)

la mar

2009-08-04T15:38:00.003-04:00

There is an understanding in Spanish that one only uses the feminine article "la" with mar (sea) if one is from the sea,if the sea is in their blood. All others use the masculine article "el" with mar. There are no other words that I know of in which the article is changed depending on the speakers relationship with the noun, it is generally fixed to the noun.

Anyway, I feel at home near/in the sea. I feel like it is in my blood. Yo quiero la mar. La mar es mi sangre.

I am at peace near the ocean.

It is not always easy to be at the beach with lots of people (family included - more on that later). All the same, it's nice to be here.

I wouldn't want to be anywhere else.

ciao

fighting fleas in a frenzy

2009-07-31T08:48:00.003-04:00

One of the bad parts about living in the hot south are the bugs. There are all kinds of nasty bugs. For the most part, if one keeps their house clean the bugs can be kept at bay.

Then there are fleas, fucking fleas. I have fleas. Well, to be more a accurate, my doggies have fleas. We didn't have fleas until a couple weeks ago and now I'm fighting what feels like a losing battle. Here's the scoop:

We didn't have fleas a couple weeks ago. The doggies didn't itch and my ankles were bite free. Then, the neighbor across the hall had a friend over and she brought her flea bitten dog. Normally, this would not have been such a big deal, since we never take the dogs to her house and her cats never come over here. (Unless a flea infestation is really, really bad, they stay on the animals and off the humans. However, they usually bite the ankles and feet of the humans, since doggies snuggle at the feet of their humans.)

So, the neighbor got fleas, bad. Bad. bad. She freaked out, as anyone would, and cleaned like crazy. She vacuumed three times a day, treated her cats,sprayed all over with flea stuff and even let off a natural-ish flea bomb. It worked and now she's flea-free.

Only problem is, every time she was done using a rag or the vacuum she put it on the rug outside her apartment. Wait for it....yes, that's right, she's across the hall and we step on the rug every time we leave our house.

Now, my dogs have fleas. There is a fine line between a couple fleas and a million trillion fleas. I've been freaking out plenty. I sprayed all the contact places with a rosemary/cedar oil and it seemed to help a little. However, the dogs were still covered after I treated them. So we washed them in blue Dawn and it seems to have worked wonders.

Now I'm spending the day transferring the dogs to various rooms so I can spread Borax on the floors to kill whatever eggs might be there. (I was told that after going to the beach for a week and leaving the house empty we will come home to a house full of newly hatched, starving fleas. I can't deal).

It's bad. SO bad.

I'm going to start low in the chemical ladder until it stops working, then it might be off to the other stuff. I refuse to let off a bomb, though. They are so super poisonous and I'm not taking my chances. If y'all know of any cure, please, please let me know.

I have a job!

2009-07-29T09:23:00.003-04:00

OMG, peeps! I have a job!. I was supposed to go interview at a place in Asheville this afternoon when my friend, who owns a place in Marshall, called and offered me a job. She offered me one earlier in the year too. I didn't take it then because I was still convinced that I could find a job in me field of interest to me (believe it or not, waiting tables is not in my field of interest).

I will be working days (Tue- Fri) waiting tables and doing minor bartending stuffs. Not bad. The best part is the place is right across the street from my apartment. I can see it from my living room. I'm not one to call in sick, so I don't have to worry about everyone knowing if I'm home and stuff. The best part is it's mine for as long as I want it. Which means I can keep the job for as long as my body will hold up.

It's not ideal in some ways. It is waiting tables. This alone can be physically taxing. But so can being broke all the time. I'm so excited at the prospect of being able to pay off all our bills and be debt free (save student loans) by the time the baby gets here.

So, if you live in town, or close to town, come check me out. I'll be doing what I do best Tues - Fri (10:30-5:00) at Bacchus Bistro.

i also kraut

2009-07-28T08:03:00.005-04:00

Look, I made sauerkraut! Gaia and I spent a nice afternoon this week, chatting and making sauerkraut. These three have red cabbage, green cabbage, fennel, caraway seeds, carrots, and salt.

We're going to make some more next time with chilies. Yummmm, spicy sauerkraut.

Ben and I went to the garden last night, for the first time in about a week. Look at all the food we had!:

So much! And look! we have corn!! It's still small and a little early to pick the corn, but we couldn't wait, we really wanted to have a sample. It should be done by the time we get back from the beach.

I love gardening. It makes me so happy to have vegetables from our garden. I just can't believe it sometimes. I'm going to make a garden journal this year to keep track of what went well, when we planted and things like that. I'm hoping to plant 200+ tomato plants next year. I want to have crushed tomatoes, roasted tomatoes, spaghetti sauce, and salsa for as long as possible. I hope the effort will be worth the outcome. It's a lot of work, but it's so great to have food from the garden. It's really amazing. Every time we pick food I'm elated to have it. For all the shit we've had to deal with lately, I'm very thankful for all we do have.

I pickle and I bake and I support stereotypes

2009-07-27T07:38:00.008-04:00

Basically, I support stereotypes. I made pickles yesterday and I'm already drooling about eating them. I was told that I have become a model of the pregnant lady stereotype, I think it's partially true. I think about and pay attention to babies much more than I ever did before. I still find other people's children plenty annoying though. Also, I still insist that my child won't do that, or my child won't act like a maniac in public, or my child will love his/her broccoli, my child will not try to convince me cola is a perfect dinner. Whatever, I know I'm wrong, but I'm living a dream life right now, and it's nice. Don't try to bust my bubble.

About those pickles. I pickled cucumbers and a zucchini. The zucchini is the one on the left, sliced up.

I also made chocolate chip zucchini cookies. They're delicious! The texture is more like cake and less like a cookie, so if you love a good crunch, you'll not like these very much.

I also made cobbler a couple weeks ago. The family who owns the land where we have our garden is so kind, They let us wander around up there (they have some 80+ acres) to take pictures of the old barns, shoot guns, and pick berries. There are so many blackberry plants, it's amazing. Ben and I spent about an hour picking and got probably close to four cups of berries. I made this cobbler:

It was so, so good. I don't remember where I got the recipe, sorry.
I remember that it took a couple cups berries about a half cup cream (I used milk) poured over the berries and a slightly sweetened cobbler spooned over the top. I think I baked it about 20 minutes. It was plenty sweet, I wouldn't use any recipe which called for adding sugar to the berries, it would be too sweet.

Lastly, I made what Ben is calling Tomato Cupcakes. I got the recipe from a great tapas recipe book. They are called Baked Tomato Nests. They are so, so good. see:

Here's the recipe, in my words:

- Pre-heat the oven to 350
- Cut off the tops and empty out the insides of the tomatoes.
- Sit upside down to drain for 15 minutes.
- Place tomatoes in a dish just large enough to hold them (I used cupcake tins).
- Crack one egg into each tomato (I mixed and seasoned before I put them in the tomatoes).
- Add one tablespoon of cream to each tomato (I used milk).
- Cover with about a tablespoon of grated Mahon, Manchego, or Parmesan cheese.
- Bake until eggs have set. (The recipe books says 15-20 minutes. It takes mine about 40 minutes, which could be because I don't let them drain for very long).

I hope you try at least one of these recipes, they really are so good. Especially the tomatoes.

Buen provecho!

baby cakes

2009-07-25T19:20:00.004-04:00

So, one of the cool things about being knocked up is the anticipation of the potential baby shower I might have. I don't anticipate this baby shower because I like asking for presents or because I feel like people should be congratulating me on doing my duty as a breeder and getting knocked up.

Nope. I want to have a baby shower so I can get a weird baby cake. Remember me talking about this once before? You do? Oh, you don't. For those of you too lazy to go back and read the post, it was related to baby stuff and what-not. Anyway, at the end of the post I posted a picture of a cake I want someone to buy me for a Congratulations-you're-knocked-up cake. It looks something like this...ummmm. I can't seem to get the picture to post properly, you're gong to have to click if you want to see it.

Anyway, to get to the point. This week on one of my favorite blogs; Cake wrecks there were more creepy congratulations-you're-knocked-up cakes. Many of which are perfectly creepy and funny. Perfect for my potential baby shower. case you were wonderin'.

I'm off to eat elephant ears now, ciao.

I inspire illegalities to take place

2009-07-21T07:46:00.003-04:00

I went to talk with a lady about a job yesterday. It was at a hotel nearby. I called ahead of time, per the instructions on the email, to see if the position was still available. She asked me to come in Monday. I arrived, polished and ready to talk my way into a job. The shift was stupid 3-11pm. Not good for me since my bed time is around 9pm these days. However, if I were making some money, I could probably stay awake an extra couple of hours.

Unfortunately(?), I don't think I got the job. To begin with, the lady asked me if I'm pregnant. Seriously. After giving me a weird, weak handshake she asked if I'm pregnant. I was honest. (Although, I have come to believe that I should have told her that I'm just fat, only in my stomach, and in a weird,round sort of way.) She then asked me about my job experience, of which I have plenty. Let's just be honest. The job is to answer phones and hand out keys to new people and collect keys from the other people. It's not rocket science, right?

Lastly, she asked me if I have a boyfriend or if I'm married. Basically, she started and ended the interview on an illegal note. She was also dishonest about the job. She told me that the full time (m-f) position advertised was still available. After talking with her she told me that she's only looking for someone on the weekends. Mmm-hmm, not full time, not during the week.

Shitty.

I'm so desperate for a job, I would have taken it if she had offered.

You know, I'm really eating my hat these days. Before I graduated I told myself, and maybe a bunch of other people, that I was not going to wait tables. I really hate waiting tables and I would love to start working in a field of interest. Wellllll, I applied for a daytime server position yesterday. The restaurant serves good food and is known for it's brunch. I've heard that it's a great place to make a buck. I need the money, so I can suck it up and wait tables for a while. But, only until we've paid back the money we borrowed to get into this place. It's going to wear my ass out to run food all day. I know plenty of people who have bartended and waited tables while knocked up, I don't know why I can't do it too.

Originally, when I started applying for jobs they were all related to my current and future interests. Now, I'll take what I can get....mostly. I still think I would rather be broke than work at Arby's. Stay tuned, things might change.

be CAREFUL

2009-07-15T09:56:00.004-04:00

Funny thing happens when a chick gets knocked up...she becomes instantly very fragile. And maybe a little stupid (according to many).

I have heard "be CAREFUL" more in the last month (since I started showing) than I have since my toddler years. It's amazing. All the time people are saying to me: "be careful". Apparently, not only have I become more fragile. I've also turned into a huge moron who has no sense of her own body. I understand that the center of my gravity is changing. The weight of my tits alone is going to do that. I get it. It's not like I feel the same. I can't fit into any of my pants anymore. I've gained 7 pounds in the last two months. And it's not going to my ass end or giving my cankles. Therefore one could only conclude that it's on the front of my body.

So, don't you worry folks, I'm being very, very careful. I wear a helmet, elbow pads, knee pads, maxi pads and pillows strapped to my body to check the mail. I'm very careful.

Here's what I look like now. This is only two weeks from the last photo:

Look at those knockers! How could I not know I"m getting bigger?

Speaking of knockers. Not only do people check out my rack all the time, they also check out my stomach. It's weird.

teach a woman to garden and you shall eat squash forever!

2009-07-14T11:39:00.012-04:00

The garden is doing very well.

See:

Here's the corn:

and a zucchini:

We almost have more squash than we know what do with. We are lucky enough to love squash casserole. We've had it twice for dinner, in the last week. I've made it once for myself for lunch and eaten all the dinner leftovers. I'm like the thing in the sink that mashes up and gets rid of the leftovers, what's that called? The garbage disposal? Yes, that's it! I'm like the garbage disposal. Have some leftovers you need to get rid of? I'll take them off your hands.

Calling myself was not the point of this post.. where was I?

oh, yes.

I'm having potluck tomorrow night with some great friends. We try to meet regularly, but it never works out. All of us are in school full time and work at least part time. (That is except for me. Because I am a lazy hound, and cannot work. I'm too delicate.)

Ummmm Sidetrack.

So we're having a potluck tomorrow. We're all incredibly broke right now but we've found that it's much nicer to commune and eat cheaply with each other than to feel bad about it alone at home. It's hard for us all to get together, but we're going to potluck tomorrow. I'm hosting, which is very exciting. Everyone gets to come over and see our new place and then go eat watermelon at the garden!

Needless to say, we'll be eating squash.

I'm making squash casserole. I made some zucchini muffins today to share tomorrow as well. If they make it. They just finished and I've already eaten half of one. I still have a loaf if Ben and I manage to eat all the muffins before tomorrow.

Zucchini muffins, recipe found here. They are good. Not too sweet. I prefer the banana zucchini muffins I made last week, recipe found here. They were slightly sweeter and slightly better, in my opinion.

Here's another photo:

Bet you wish you were going to be here too. As long as you bring a dish, you're invited.

my day so far

2009-07-13T11:18:00.003-04:00

This has been my Monday, so far:

I got out of bed around 8:00. Not bad, we're generally up around 5:30. Now, my getting out of bed at 8:30 doesn't really mean that I had great uninterrupted sleep all night and woke feeling well rested. You see, I am awake every two hours (at least), every night. My pregnancy books keep telling me that it's my body's way of preparing me for feeding a baby every 2-4 hours after the baby gets here. I think it's my bladders way of punishing me of drinking limeade before bed.

So anyway.

Awake at 8:00, mostly rested.

First thing I smell is dog shit. Nii-iiice. Ben took the doggies out this morning. It seems that Bloo would rather shit inside, on his time, than outside on our time. So I cleaned up the dog shit and leashed up the pups, just in case either one had a lingering issue they needed to take car of.

Nope. They mostly sniffed and peed a tiny bit, for good measure.

Upon arriving home, I realized that I was locked out. Again, nii-iiice. I rarely lock the bottom lock, for this very reason. I don't want to forget to jiggle the handle and lock myself out. I also don't often take my keys with me when I let the pups out to pee.

So, I went to the coffee shop next door to use their phone to call Ben. Poor Ben had just, just arrived at work. which is an hour drive. It's fairly far away and there is a bunch of construction on the way. We don't have a key hidden anywhere and haven't given one to the neighbors yet (getting on that today). So, I had to sit at the courthouse in my PJs, with messy hair, bad breath and two pups for an hour before Ben got home to let us in.

Seconds after taking off my shoes inside I stepped in some dog shit I missed the first time around. I know, awesome, right? Ben, being the kind man he is, decided to help me clean up the floor and my shoe (I had also stepped in it with my shoes on). Unfortunately, he placed the roll of TP we were using to clean up in another unseen pile. So, when I picked it up to unroll a few clean sheets, I smashed dog shit into my hands. Yes!! I love my life!

Ben is a good helper and he stayed until everything was clean, took out the trash, and paid for the juice I got at the coffee shop (which I couldn't pay for, not having the foresight to have brought any money with me to walk the pups).

Now for the rest of the day I have laundry, dishes, bread making, errands in town, and a messy fridge to look forward to. It's going to be a good day. I can feel it.

How about you peeps? How was your day?

I love my little town, here's why

2009-07-12T08:10:00.010-04:00

I love it here. It is small and somewhat strange. We have a cat who loves at the courthouse. She showed up a couple months ago and someone took up the responsibility of feeding and watering her. They even gave her a flea collar. She's a funny cat. She hangs out at the courthouse all day, greeting prisoners and lawyers alike. If someone pauses for a moment to look at her she might meow or move closer to be pet.

This is where she lives:

do you see someone is petting her?

On the second Friday of the month we have French Broad Fridays, sponsored by the Marshall Arts District. The Arts Counsel stays open late and generally hosts a band, there was a band across the street from my apartment this week, which is where everyone was dancing. Many of the artists who have studio space on the island keep open late so people can wander around and look at their works or ask questions. There is a man who comes into town with his horse and beautiful carriage. He (well, the horse) carts people from one end of main street to the island (which is literally less than a mile away). It's nice, for adults and children alike, to ride in the carriage. It's free, good fun.

Some dancing queens:

This is Taylor dancing with AJ. (AJ loves to dance. I've never seen him drink, smoke or cuss. He's an interesting guy. He goes out at night (sometimes as late as 10pm) to run the leaf blower along main street. It's not uncommon to see him pick up discarded cigarette butts around town. He might love it here more than anyone else).

Here's Tommy and Katie:

And mister mayor:

He's the Mayor of Marshall. This is the man who has been kind enough to donate his land for our garden and took in our cats. He's a good man. Incredibly progressive and fair. Marshall is lucky to have him.

This is the jail/police station. I took this picture on the opposite corner from our apartment. See how close the train is? And the prisoners...did you know that if that you're a prisoner in Marshall and you're not in real big trouble you're allowed to be outside cleaning the cop cars or throwing rocks into the river from the train tracks? There definitely could be worse places to be in trouble.

I don't love everything about it here. There isn't any real diversity. Everyone speaks English and we all burn if left in the sun too long. The most popular restaurant is a pizza joint (which is delicious!!) but the taco place had to close last year due to little interest (and it was phenomenal). I don't mean to imply that it's bad that we all love the pizza joint. It's just that there's no Indian,Ethiopian, Korean, or Japanese food or anything like that. It's fairly conservative (which I'm not). I would like to a little more diversity, is all. The county only just got it's beer and wine license last January. We still have to drive to the next county 20 minutes away for liquor. This isn't such a bad thing, it's just an example of the conservative nature of the county/town.

All-in-all, it's a great place. It's a good place to start a family. I don't want to be here forever. I don't want my children being surprised by people who don't look like they do. I want to normalize as many different foods, languages and cultures the best way I can. The only problem is that I really love small towns, but they rarely offer great diversity. However, they do offer a sense of family and familiarity that can't be dismissed.

Maybe I'll find what I'm looking for one day. For now, I'm very happy where I am. (Although, it would be better if I could have my family and Toast here with me).

Lastly, here is a super serious kid. He sat in this chair with his helmet on for the longest time. When all the dancing adults and rambunctious kids got in the way of him seeing the band he moved up and took off his helmet. Poor kid, he ought to be careful or he'll end up taking everything too seriously, like me.

free time!

2009-07-08T09:10:00.005-04:00

Today, for the first day (I think, probably, since I started working when I was 15) is the first day I have had without school work or work-work. It's weeeiiird. Not bad so far, but definitely weird.

I turned in my Humanities final yesterday. It might not be A-worthy. I got 95s on everything else, so I think I can slide with a B paper and still get an A in the class.

I've decided to do some baking today. I used to think that I hated to cook. As it turns out, I like cooking. I hate cooking when I feel over worked and stressed out. It's lots of fun when I have free time. So, today I will be making two different types of zucchini bread. I found two recipes on other blogs I wanted to try. I didn't want to make only one, they both look so delish!

I was looking for banana-zucchini bread, not so easy to come by. Most people don't seem to combine the two. I love them cooked together. So one bread is going to be banana-zucchini-carrot (it calls for apple, but I have an intolerance to apples. honest.). The other bread is going to be straight up zucchini. I'll be giving reviews and linking to the other blogs when I'm done, don't go too far.

OH! oOH! Ben got a job! He's going to be a trim carpenter for a semi-local company. He's worked in the same area doing similar work a long time ago and enjoyed it. It pays a lot less than what he's normally paid and it's not exactly what he wants to be doing. But, it's great and we're both so thankful and wiping the sweat from our brows. I've applied to some more jobs. I got one response telling me to respond and get a credit report...scam. lame scams.

now, on to bread!

the landLORD is at it again

2009-07-07T08:50:00.003-04:00

Nasty landLORD update:

My sweet, darling husband called the former landlord/boss last night to ask for the $200 back. Remember, the landLORD illegally deducted from his last paycheck.(He's required to give written notice before deducting any money).

Do you also remember that he did this to another guy whom he sacked on the same day. Claiming the other guy also did $200 damage to the very same plants?! Very curious, no?

Anyway, Ben called the mean former landLORD and he was nasty as hell. Ben says he was also drunk. Turns out he's not a nice drunk. It's a shame. He ought to be nice at some point in his life. Maybe he's nice when he sleeps.

Doubt it.

Here's the rundown of the what the conversation looked like:

- He called Ben a "fucker" and a "mother fucker" for most of the conversation.

- He told Ben that he fired him because we decided to move out.

- He started to talk about how we got rid of a truck a year ago and how that is proof that....we're not really sure what it's proof of, and he didn't seem to either

- He told us that the new place isn't any cheaper (and had nothing to say when Ben brought to light that we wrote checks for $800 at the old place and we write checks for $650 at this place.) I don't know what kind of weird math he's familiar with, but seems cheaper to me.

- He told Ben that he's going to keep the $200 from his last paycheck to put to this months rent, because we broke the lease. (He seems to forget that he told it was okay to break the lease). Not to mention that it's illegal for him to take from Ben's paycheck to use it for rent. It's a gross abuse of power. Our current landlord wouldn't be able to approach Ben's boss to ask for money if we didn't pay him. It works the same way. Unfortunately, he has the power and access to do this to us.

- He also said he was going to keep our $500 pet deposit to pay for this months rent, because we broke the lease.

- He tried to talk with Ben about how bad the economy is and how it was bad for us to move out because it puts him in a bind and.....wha?? He also fired Ben in this bad economy. And Ben is the money-maker of the family. AND, he's going to be a daddy in six months. He's got some nerve.

He failed to admit that he's a bastard and deserves to be covered in poison ivy and then honey and fire ants.

The whole thing is so horrible and surreal I don't know whether to laugh or sob. I'm leaning towards the latter...

I'm scared that we're going to max out the credit cards and borrow until no one will talk with us anymore and we'll have no way of paying anyone back. It's so stressful.

It's awful to have someone abuse their power in this way and to be such a bad part of it. We're good people. The other day we were at a shop and we saw that someone had put $20 under the back windshield wiper of some one's van. They hadn't noticed (we guessed this was the case because it was rained on). So we moved it and put it in the door so they would see it when they came out of the store. We need $20. But you know what, peeps? When you do the right thing for other people, people will do the right thing for you. Right?

I hope to hell I'm not wrong. I feel like we're being pooped on so far.

I'm going to apply for a job today at a discount clothing place. They pay minimum wage and it's 45 minutes away. Beats not making a living at all.

credit cards are evil

2009-07-06T08:37:00.003-04:00

Get this:

So, I tried to pay my Lowe's card on-line last week (using their online payment system) and the payment never took. I found this out by looking at my bank statement this morning and then comparing it with the Lowe's account. Very annoying. I tried to make a payment, but have no proof of that attempt (our printer is broken). So, if I were on the cusp of the due date (I'm not, I was making the payment two weeks early) they could have charged me a late fee.

Feeling annoyed I decided to look and see that the other payments I made were collected. I made my last payment (and it was accepted) on time last month. And..AND.. they charged me with a late fee!! AFTER I made the payment. ON TIME! It even shows online that the payment was accepted on time.

So sneaky. I guess it pays to pays attention. Pays for me, anyway. Friggin' credit cards. So evil.

In other news, we should find out if the old nasty landlord is going to try to keep our deposit. They shouldn't, we ( by "we" I mean Ben) even spot painted the scuff marks on the wall. (Even though landlords are required, by law, to paint between renters). Keep your fingers crossed for us, okay?

my fetus is mean

2009-07-02T20:53:00.004-04:00

It's been so long since I've had something to say and still...I've got nothin'. Not much has been happening around my parts. Any of my parts, really. What? TMI? Okay. sorry.

Anyway, here's the scoop:

- We've moved into a new place. It's nice. It's bigger than the last place and we like it a lot. There are a couple more perks I failed to mention in the last post. I didn't have the great fortune of finding them out until recently.

They go like this:
- The refrigerator/freezer unit hums/buzzes at a crazy decibel/octave which is enough to nearly torture someone. It's not constant, but it's insanely annoying. Honest, it's awful.
- The fire detector goes off at random times in the middle of the night. And not because there's a fire. It's great! Keeps us on our toes. It's going to be even better when we have a tiny baby we'll be trying to coax into sleeping long hours at night.
- We're right above a guy who is a wood worker, so when he varnishes something, it smells great (like varnish!!) in the apartment. He doesn't do this often, so it might not be too bad in the long run. And, he's a nice guy. I've always been willing to risk some potential brain damage for a nice guy. Who isn't, right?

In other news: I have to write my humanities final and I'm done with college!! I should be more specific: I'm done with my undergraduate degree!! Wooo-hooo! I'm pumped. I'm also freaked out about what I'm going to be doing with all my free time. I'm so used to being so constantly busy and worried about homework, now I've got nothing to do. It might be awesome, I'll keep you posted.

I'm still knocked up. I've decided that my fetus is mean. I still feel sick most days. Well, most nights, actually. I feel fine during the day. It's in the evenings when I feel like I"m going to barf on myself. I hate it. I hope it goes away soon. Mean baby. Here's what I look like now:

I didn't get the job at the pain clinic. To make a long story short: the doctor in the office wanted to hire me (five weeks ago). One lady in the office didn't. So, she lied about trying to get in touch with me and accused me of not staying in contact with the office (I've emailed or called over a dozen times in the last five weeks). It's probably best. I'm glad not to work with someone who can't be honest and act with a little integrity and respect. But, I still need the money. I'm still looking and hoping I can work the chubby look until someone notices I'm knocked up.

That's all I've got, folks. I have more garden news and photos to share, but they'll have to wait for a time when I don't feel like I'm going to ralph on the keyboard.

There is a train on my stoop

2009-06-28T11:03:00.004-04:00

We've moved! Yaaaayy!! We're in the new apartment as of last night. It's nice to be here. It feels so much cozier. There isn't a window in the bedroom, or either bathroom, which I don't really like. I thought it was going to freak me out too much to sleep well. Turns out, it's nice to sleep in a bedroom without any sun coming in. The other bedroom had lots of windows and lots of sunshine in the early morning hours. The new bedroom is pitch black.

Speaking of pitch, have you ever seen black pitch? I grew up in Alaska and the pitch from the trees up there is a yellow-ish color. What kind of tree gives black pitch? Trees from hell, is my guess.

Another perk of the new place is that it sounds like the train is coming through the front door every time it passes through town. I thought it would be muffled in the bedroom (since there's no window and it's in the center,back of the apartment). But, nooo-ooo. It's loud as hell.

In other news: My tummy is getting bigger. I've gained five pounds. I thought that might be a bit excessive at this stage, since he baby is only the size of a fig. The Doctor Lady told me I was right on track. I think all the weight is in my boobies. Although, I've started to show, so maybe a little of it is in my uterus.

I have to get tested for TB. I was exposed when I was in Bolivia and I never got tested when I got back. I didn't realize that was something I had to do. I feel fine and I've not had so much as a cold since I've been back, so I'm not too worried about it.

On a lighter note: Gus barks at the ceiling fan. He only does it when it is set on low or turned off. For some (probably mean and selfish) reason, I think this is very funny.

got it!

2009-06-26T17:08:00.004-04:00

Whoosh. Whoosh. Whoosh. Whoosh. That's the sound that my baby makes! 158 beats per minute.

I cried. Ben cried a little too.

So exciting. minus the part where neither of us has a job nor savings and it's looking scary.

It'll get better. It'll get better. (It's our mantra).

boobies and babies

2009-06-26T09:52:00.003-04:00

We didn't go to the doctor yesterday. I got a call early in the afternoon telling me that the appointment had been canceled. There were two babies being born yesterday so no one was in the office to keep the appointments. They send two people to every birth, and it's a fairly small office. I was bummed but whateves. I want them to be at my side and cancel appointments when I'm screaming out a baby.

One bad thing is that the lady who called me is best friends with my ex-girlfriends girlfriend. Which means that she has access to my full chart. As you can imagine it includes all the super private details of my lady parts, the number of sexual partners, medical history (which includes information about my current battle with HPV)...all kinds of juicy information. Asheville is just too small sometimes. I don't suppose there is much I can do about it. I thought about asking someone to pull her off my chart, if that's possible. But, I'm afraid she's the only nurse and it's not possible. I'm going to have to suck it up and deal. But, I don't like it.

They offered me a shorter appointment for this afternoon. They want me to come in so they can check out a lump I found in my boobie. I'm freaked out about my dumb boobie. I don't know how I would afford treatment if I needed it. So scary. Anyway, it's not that scary yet, they haven't even touched it, so I'm still fine, as far as we know, anyway. I'll know more later. I'm hoping it's part of having growing boobies (and OH MY! are they growing!) from being knocked up.

The good part of today is that we'll get to hear the baby!! Then, I can be excited and start telling people....oh wait, I've done that already...

The bad part is that we have to pay today and again in a week. So expensive. And my insurance sucks and takes a millionty years to get tehir shit together. I had a $250 biopsy last year, for which they were billed $500 by the office. The insurance company gave me $53 toward my $300 deductible. Crooked, nasty, money hungry asshats.

garden veggies

2009-06-25T08:42:00.003-04:00

I don't have much to share. I've been packing, getting ready tot move down the street. Or, up the street, I guess. I'm excited to be moving into a larger space in a slightly more private place(it's not as easy to see into the windows over there as it is here). Ben has done so much packing and organizing, I'm quite impressed. In the past, I've done most of the packing and moving. Not because he's lazy or anything, but I've always had my days free (since I worked at night for so long) and Ben works all day. This time around, I've napped most days and sat around feeling like I might barf. It's awesome.

It's been raining like crazy this year. We've been in a drought in WNC (Western North Carolina) for over four years. This has been a good year for a garden. We've not even had to use the rain barrels. The corn is waist high and the zucchini and squash plants are flowering. The worms ate all the broccoli, cabbage and cauliflower though. I don't know if we're going to plant them again next year. We keep talking with people who have given up on planting popular worm plants. I guess it's too hard to manage them if you're keeping it organic. There must be some way though, I'm going to investigate before next year and maybe we'll have greater success.
Here are some veggies: lettuce, kale, onions, spinach, and basil

and a pup.

We have an appointment at the doctor today. I'm having my first pre-natal physical today. I think we'll also get to hear the baby today! I hope so, I've been nervous and worried about the baby until today. I can't wait to hear it. Eeeee!

I'm going on a ride

2009-06-22T08:39:00.004-04:00

I talked with the Office Lady this morning. She told me that the Dr. I interviewed with two weeks ago would like for me to work in the office, but not as a medical assistant. She told me that they want me for the front office stuff. That's fine with me. I would have preferred to be taking vitals and medical histories...beggars can't be choosers, right.

The only thing is she wants me to talk with the same lady I met with last week, to talk with her about coming in for an interview...So I'm going to make an appointment to interview (again) with the same people I talked with last week (??). This doesn't make any sense. Do you think there is something weird about the goins' on in this office?

It is a pain clinic. Maybe they're all sneaking patient meds.

Anyway, I think I have a job. Bad part is, I still don't know how much it pays. I was told to ask the doctor during our interview, which I did not do. I was under the impression we were going to have another meeting (the interview we had was me at home talking with him on his cell phone on the way to a Doctor Meeting). I was waiting for a more appropriate time to talk pay...it seems like there might not be any right time with these people.

This is the only job which has called me back, out of about 40 applications I sent out. As long as it's not minimum wage, I'll take what they give me. It's better than nothing.

seriously.

p.s. Ben called some labor people to ask about the (possible illegal) deduction for 'plant damages' taken out of his last paycheck. I think he should be sure to tell the people that his former employer told him that he could keep all of his last pay, with out reason.

another interview and another kick in the teeth

2009-06-20T18:07:00.005-04:00

I got a call Friday afternoon from the office lady I was waiting to hear from. She wants to meet me and talk about what kinds of things happen in the office....?

I guess she's not heard that I've had three interviews. I'm still going to meet her. I missed the call Friday and didn't get the message until late in the evening, so I won't know anything until next week...if I know anything at all.

Have you ever known anyone who only feels important if they are over worked? Or someone who acts like they are overworked all the time and it seems to make them feel more important? I'm hoping that's not what is happening in this office. I was thinking that maybe the person/ people who are supposed to hire me are afraid I might make them look/feel less important.

I'm still going to give it a shot. more later.

Now for the kick in the teeth:

Ben's former employer took $200 out of his last paycheck, citing damage done to plants on the job. Ben was never notified of this damage, not before, during, or after working. And, they've been at that job for months. Just another way they can try to needle us. They're awful, terrible people.

I think I'm going to start playing the lottery. Maybe I'll win lots of money. Or enough to get us out of this rut. Either would be nice, or better than nothing.

interviews, interviews, interviews!

2009-06-19T09:15:00.004-04:00

I went to the pain clinic today. No. Not to ease my aching heart. I went for the third interview for a job I applied for about a month ago. So, now they have four copies of my resume and references. I have talked with the PA,one of the MDs and an office manager. I think all interviews went well too. Everyone seems nice and not too put off by me. I wish they would just hire me already! I was told that they are still trying to figure out what position I would fill. Most recently, they told me that they need two different positions filled. Two weeks ago, it sounded like this would be done by two people, but now it sounds like it might be just one person.

I don't know what goes on over there...why does it take this long to hire someone? I get the impression that they're not a bunch of nincompoops, but that everyone is so very, very busy. Additionally, every time I talk with someone they tell me how much they need someone in the office....but they've not hired me yet. Or anyone else for that matter.

I told them that I was willing to work in the next couple of weeks, if they decide to hire be that soon (it's not looking good) while I finish this last class up (even though I think it might lead to chaos in my life for a couple of weeks). I need the money, sometimes you just have to do what it takes and suck it up.

I was told, again, that they still have to talk with the doctor and another office lady before they hire me. Then...THEN, they want to have me in the office to talk with everyone again!! That would make the fourth interview. I better bring a couple copies of my resume, they are sure to need them. crimeny!

humility is not so hard to come by these days

2009-06-18T21:24:00.003-04:00

We're having a rough time this week. It's been tough, with Ben being fired and served the eviction notice. (See Monday's post to update yourself, if you're confused). The eviction notice (since we paid our rent) is just stupid, but still frustrating. The bastard didn't even fill out the number of days we have until we have to move out. As I understand it, we have 30 days from the notice, so I guess we could stay 15 days beyond when we intended to move out, just to put a thorn in his side. But, that would be the wrong thing to do, and we're not assholes.

We're plum broke too. Not a dime in savings (what's that?) and barely a hundred bucks in the checking account. We talked last night about how this is the moment when many, many people in our situation become homeless. We talked that we might have to use us the goodwill of our friends and couch surf for a while if worse comes to worse. I thought it would be better to split up and each of us take a dog, lightening the load for anyone kind enough to take us and our furry babies.

Thankfully, we have great friends and family who offered what they have; good vibes, hugs, words of encouragement, two even offered their homes. We also got a great offer of financial help. We're being lent some money to see us through for the next 6 weeks or so and put on a long-term payment plan. We're hoping that it won't come to that and we can send the money right back, but you never know.

It's hard for us to be borrowing money. It hurts our pride a little. It's embarrassing that we know better and we don't have any money in savings, just in case. It's hard to know that we have a baby on the way and we're as broke as we are. Sure, it's only temporary. I've been out of work, finishing up my degree for over a year, but it's made a huge difference for us financially. (I used to make good money bar tending and waiting tables). Ben is a hard worker and does very well for us, too.

We're trying not to dwell on feeling like dummies and keeping in mind that we are really,really lucky to have great people around us who can help. So, to all of you, thank you so very much, you really are appreciated.

We're both chasing job leads and packing for our move in two weeks, cross your fingers for us, mm-kay?

I have a third meeting/interview (for a medical assistant position) tomorrow morning....I'm hoping this will be it for me. It would really help to pull us out of this rut.

more later

my landlord thinks he's really THE Lord

2009-06-15T08:42:00.004-04:00

We're having landlord issues and it's going to drive me friggin crazy. Here's the thing. We're moving out at the end of the month. We found an apartment a block away for $150 less than we're paying now and it's slightly larger. Additionally, the layout will accommodate a crib a slightly better than the place we're currently in.

Before giving our notice we asked the following from our landlords:

-if it would be okay for us to break our lease early
- if we could use $800 of the $1300 deposit we gave (when we moved in) as out last months rent
-and if I continue to clean the floors (I clean the hallway and stairs once a week for $150/month).

We were given the go-ahead for all three questions/concerns. No problems. So, we made arrangements to move down the street, didn't pay this months rent (they're taking that from the $1300 deposit they have for the apartment, remember?).And I cleaned the floors. Everything was fine until last week and boy did the shit hit the fan.

Suddenly, we're cheating them out of a bunch of money and lying about it all the while. They want us to write them a check for rent ($800) and we only have two weeks left in the month. They are trying to tell us that if the place doesn't rent, we're responsible for paying until our lease is up. And, after I cleaned the floors for half the month, it was taken away from us, and I'm not going to see any cash for the trouble.

The craziest part of the whole thing is that we know the landlord. He's Ben's boss. I know, awesome, right? That's not stressful at all for poor ole Ben. And you know what, Ben has done every tiny piddly thing he's been asked to do to keep this place up. He fixes the gutters, replaces tenants water filters, teaches them how to use their AC, all without pay or complaint. And...AND...Ben's boss has been over to have beers before. He KNOWS that we've kept this place in good shape.

It's unreal. I think they're trying to scam us out of a bunch of money. Otherwise, why would they want us to write them a check for $800 if they're just going to write us a check for the full $1300 when we move out. I feel confident that we should get all the money back. We really are very good to the apartments we rent, if for no other reason than we need the cash when we move out.

I think we're going to get ripped off. What shit.

And you know what the kicker is? They have the apartment listed on Craigslist.org for $650. Why the hell didn't they just offer to lower the rent?? They know what we're paying down the street. jerks.

UPDATE: Ben was not only fired today, he was also served an eviction notice. When asked if his performance at work has been poor, he was told 'no'. When asked for a reason for being fired, the only thing his former boss(our landlord) could say was that it would be "a good life lesson". Can you believe it? It's so unreal.

(neither one of us has ever been evicted, nor fired. never. ever.)Can you believe that only a couple weeks ago his boss told Ben that he has more integrity than most people he knows... Again, so unreal.

inmates working

2009-06-10T16:23:00.005-04:00

Inmates don't get to sit around and rot here in ole north cak-a-lak-ey (that's slang for north carolina, duh!)Inmates have to work! There is something about inmates picking up trash that pleases me. It's not because I think they're a bunch of horrible assholes who deserve it, although some probably do. I don't have a great deal of faith in our justice system, so I think some people might be their for dumb drug crimes and blah, blah, blah....

Aanyway,

I love to see them working on the side of the road. They clean up the highway and put all the garbage in orange trash bags, to be picked up later by paid city workers. And the guard people who are with the inmates walk with big guns thrown over their shoulders, one in front and one in back. It's like a movie. I can see Tommy Lee Jones there already. *swoon*

I wonder if the prisoners like to work. It's probably better than being crammed in a gross cell or prison with a bunch of other dudes. Or at least until they come across a dead animal or dirty diaper on the side of the road. Blech!

Oh, and the inmates are transported in tan school buses with metal mesh over the windows.

Indian dinner

2009-06-04T19:45:00.003-04:00

I'm a great housewife. I cook, clean, fold laundry, pick up dog poop, brush and floss my teeth, shampoo my hair, and so much more. Best of all, I do it all without complaining.....as long as I don't have a job or school in addition to being a houseslave...uuummm...errr, I mean wife...house wife.

Look what I made for dinner:

It looks great, right? It was delicious!
Clockwise from left to right: raita (yogurt, dill, cucumber dip), palak pakoras (deep fried spinach cakes),salad (romain hearts, spinach, greek dressing, parmesan cheese), garlic naan (baked puffy garlic bread), paneer tikka masala (yogurt & tomato curry) and rice.

Yum out!

This will last as long as I don't have a job or school. So...about a week, since school picks up again for a month on Monday. And(!!), I got a second interview for the medical assistant position.

turtles are funny

2009-06-04T08:41:00.004-04:00

I made it through the first interview. I think everything went well. She told me she liked me. That's good, right? She said I made it to round two. The only bad part is that round two might not be until the end of the month and the job might not start until August. I'm happy to work while knocked up and all, but they might not be happy to have me, especially since babies come out, eventually, and require a lot of work, from home. I don't know if I should tell them I'm knocked up (assuming this baby stays put until then). Part of me says 'no' because it might mean that I don't get the job. The other part of me says 'yes' because if I tell them a month after I start working that I'm five months pregnant, they might not trust me very much. What do you guys think?

I rescued a turtle this morning. It was meandering across the road. There are some nasty people in the world who just love to smash turtles, so I like to stop and move them across when I see them. I've been told that when helping a turtle one should only move them in the direction they were going. Otherwise, they just turn around and go right back in the road. So, I did just that. I tapped it's shell, to make it go inside, and took it to the other inside of the road.
Here is a picture of a turtle I saw recently,but not the one I moved today.

salteñas

2009-06-03T09:15:00.007-04:00

I decided to go to the job interview tomorrow. I need a little extra cash, so I'm going. I'm a little afraid they're not going to want to deal with my schedule for the month of June (I have class from 10:15 - 12:45 M-F). I'm going ask for a little leeway and maybe they'll give it to me.

I also have to tell them that Ben's family has booked a house at the beach for the first week of August. This will be a lie, since the house isn't booked yet. But, it's going to be paid for soon. Just as soon as we get an email out to friends inviting everyone and find the right house to accommodate everyone. This is the only vacation Ben and I take together and we've been doing it since we started dating (I know, a whole three years ago or something....whateves). We love going to the beach and look forward to it every year. I hate to think I might sacrifice a job for a vacation. It's only part time, maybe they'll be okay with it. Vamos a ver.

I made Salteñas are a bolivian snack filled with meat, potatoes, peas, three raisins per, one tiny boiled egg (maybe quail? it's super small), and one olive (with a pit). They cost less than a $1, can be found all along the street and in little shops everywhere, and are delicious, definitely one of my favorite Bolivian foods. They are also filled the juices of the meat and veggies and people say that one can tell if you're a real Bolivian if you can eat one without making a mess on yourself.

The recipes I found called for a lot of extra water and gelatin (to thicken the broth, I'm guessing). I only added a little extra water and no gelatin (Yick!) and they were still delicious. I'll post the recipe in the comments if anyone wants it.

One of the only things that alway sounds delicious and doesn't make me want to hurl are fruit bars. You know the ones dieters (and pregnant) are supposed to people eat, instead of ice cream? I'm crazy about them right now. The only problem is that they all have either tons of sugar (because fruit isn't swwet?!?) or fake sugar. Neither of which appeal to me. So, I think I'm going to go buy some molds and make my own. I'm going to make honeydew/lime pops! and raspberry and strawberry pops!

job interview

2009-06-01T08:20:00.003-04:00

I have a job interview.(!!) That's good, right? Yes. Good. Buu-uut, I'm a little suspicious. I sent in my resume and received a response about a week later asking if the morning of June 4 was a good time for me to meet for an interview. I say beggars can't be choosers and wrote back saying I could meet anytime they wanted. Then...nothing. For a whole week no one told me when or where, precisely, we would be meeting. Assuming they didn't plan on tapping into my brain waves to read my mind, this seemed like important information.

It seemed hard to count on them reading my brain, so I sent an email asking for more information about the interview time and location. I got a swift response; interview is at 7:45 a.m., 45 minutes away. Shit.

The job I applied for is only part time and I'm not willing (at this time) to drive an hour and a half a day for a part time job, probably paying less than $9/hr. After filling my gas tank, I would hardly be making an income. I don't know if it was okay, but I asked for more information about the job, such as where it's located. I don't want to drive wayyyy out of my way for a job I'm not going to take. Even if it the interview is at a bagel shop.

barf - face

2009-05-26T12:43:00.004-04:00

That's me! Actually, I'm more like dry heaves face. I feel like shit. It's not enough to be knocked up for the first time (surprise!! to me) and be dealing with all that emotional stuff, but to feel like I'm going to hurl every waking moment is almost too much. It's not just in the morning, either. I feel like I'm going to blow chunks every. waking. moment. It's awesome.

On a happier note: I think I have a job interview for a medical assistant in an office in town. The lady emailed me and asked if I could meet in the morning one day next week. She didn't say where or when, though. Maybe she'll mail me back with all that pertinent information. I don't know how I'm going to have a job where I have to talk to people, move around and smell stuff all day without ralphing on someone. I guess if I get the job, I'm just going to have to figure it out, won't I? She doesn't know that I sill have one class to finish to graduate either. It's only part time right now, so maybe they'll work with my schedule.

Someone told me that she was sick the whole time she was pregnant!! god help me if I'm sick like this for nearly eight more months...I don't know what I'll do. When do I get to start glowing?

chicken nugget

2009-05-24T07:35:00.004-04:00

I'm knocked up yo! Yes, that's right, I'm going to have a baby...sometime next year.

It was not planned, I hear this is the case for some 60% of pregnancies.....I thought I was going to be in the planned category, but it looks like I'm not going to be this time around. It was a huge surprise for both of us. But, we're pretty pumped and a little (okay, whatever, a lot) freaked out too.

I feel like I'm going to barf pretty much all the time. If I'm awake, I feel like I'm going to barf. It's not a nice feeling to have hanging around all day. I don't do anything. Which is not as fun as it sounds. I'm not sewing, knitting, or embroidering. I lay around all day and try not to focus on the dry heaves.

Other than that, nothing is too terribly new around here. I still don't have a job, (I'm thankful for that right now) but I'm still applying. I have my last class in a couple weeks and then no more college! holy cow!

The garden is looking beautiful. A bunch of us went out there last night and sat around the fire, so nice. I love the garden. I wish there weren't so many ticks in nature, though. I hate those things. So far, I've been free from having to yank them off my body, but it's going to happen. And, I'm going to freak the fuck out. They're nasty.

So there you have it. I've been incredibly lazy for the last couple of weeks, I'm pregnant, I hate ticks and I love the garden.

grades

2009-05-18T13:05:00.003-04:00

ANTH 350 : Body, Disability, and Culture.....A
SPAN 482: Spanish Civilization and Literature of the 19, 20 and 21 Centuries.......A
SPAN 495: Understanding the Cuban Revolution: Analysis of Cultural Texts.....A
SPAN 473: Capstone (class to prove competency in the Spanish language, needed to graduate)....A
ARTS 310: Murder and the Imagination.....A

Research (titled): Potential Perceived Barriers to Care for Latino Survivors of Sexual Violence....published

It's been a great semester, so glad it's done. One more class to go and I'll be a college graduate. Too bad it's not helping me get a job so far....

I might have a cupcake to celebrate anyway, I think I've earned it.

pup and dress

2009-05-16T21:17:00.004-04:00

Look at my cute little Gus baby:

I know, so cute!

This is how Gus hangs out any time someone is home. He rarely stands next to anyone, he mostly stands between the legs of most people. It's cute, sometimes, and very annoying at other times.

This is the dress I finished the other day:

I got all kinds of compliments and requests for some skirts. I need to figure out how to measure people and make clothes in different sizes.

skirts

2009-05-15T11:59:00.004-04:00

I made some more clothes yesterday. I made this blue skirt out of a little extra fabric I had lying around. It's a slightly different blue in real life, but you get the idea.

I made this blue seersucker skirt out of some fabric I got at a thrift shop. It was originally a shower curtain cover (you know the cloth one that goes over the plastic one, but not in the tub?) which fancy people have in their bathrooms. I think it might have cost me $3, max. not bad, huh?

(I'm making a beach dress out of the leftovers. The dress is from a pattern I bought from an Ebay auction. The auction was for 13 patterns from the 60s and 70s. I thought this would be an easy start. I'll post a photo if it's worth wearing when I'm done.)

This is the same shirt skirt I made the other day, but this is what it looks like while I'm wearing it. It doesn't have a zipper and I sewed the button part closed (so it wouldn't gape and show my under-panties) so I have to shimmy it up over my butt or pull it over my head.

manifest it...now!

2009-05-14T07:44:00.003-04:00

Peeps, I applied for another 200 jobs this morning. There are a couple that I think I would like to have. One is a job at a local homeless shelter as a crisis intervention counselor. It's a good place and they do good things. They try to help the chronically homeless find a place to live. It would be great to be part of such a great office and group of people doing good things. It might also cancel out all the times I say things like 'f* &%' and 'a*%' and maybe get me into heaven. Or where ever the endless pizza, ice cream, and beaches parties are after I die. That is heaven, isn't it? Couldn't be hell, that's for sure.

The other job is basically an admin position at a plastic surgeons office. They want someone who is Spanish-English bilingual. While I'm not bilingual, I do speak Spanish and I'm guessing no one else does, so I'm a step up, anyway. It's technically not okay for an office to use their admin (or other people with other defined tasks) as interpreters (because it's requiring a lot of extra work, in addition to regular work) without paying them extra, but whateves. I'll take it now and complain later. I just need to get moving with something.

This is why I'm here today peeps; I need you to help me manifest a job. I'm serious. Everyone take a minute and think about how happy you would be for me to have a job helping people and making money (which, obviously, would also help me, and I'm people too). So, let's get with the program. Everyone picture me having a job, and being happy with that job, and making money(!!) and getting out of the house, and helping people (!!), and improving my Spanish, and making money (!!) and being able to knit and sew more (because I would be making money (!!) and that would mean that I could buy knitting and sewing supplies without guilt)...manifest it people!

Thanks.

shirt skirt

2009-05-13T17:06:00.004-04:00

I made this skirt today. I made it from a shirt I got from the 'free' box at Madison County Arts Council.

It fits a little funny, but it's a good start. It had a zipper to start, but the zipper was all puckery when I was wearing it. So, I removed it and decided to pull it over my head to wear it. I have some real nice fabric I want to use to make a much fancier project, but I'm afraid I'm not very good (read: patient) to use my fancy fabric yet. I think I should stick with cheap, free, cotton fabric first.

not so much

2009-05-09T20:07:00.004-04:00

I had good intentions when I wrote that last post. I really did think that I was going to clean and organize the apartment. However....Ben showed up shortly after I wrote the post, I took a shower, and we took a nap. A three. hour. nap.! I love not having homework!

I'm so glad I was able to sleep for a while too. I've been suffering with a backache lately, and I've been having a hard time sleeping all the way through the night. Needless to say, the nap was good, but not productive, in the cleaning the house sort of way, but good all the same.

It's like the world is a whole new place. A place of hanging out with friends, cleaning, sewing, gardening....oh what a life. It's not going to last in this extreme though, hopefully. I hope to get a job soon and have slightly less time to clean.

I did get the bathroom done when I woke up though, and my desk, and my backpack so I'm still making some headway.

I think I might do two closets tomorrow and then start on a skirt. As a matter of fact, I think I'm going to go get started on one of the closets right now!

Well, maybe not. I need to make a salad for dinner. Maybe I'll get to it tomorrow.

Maybe.

cleanliness is next to godliness

2009-05-09T14:21:00.003-04:00

....rrii-iight. I don't believe that for a minute. If I did, I would expect to be minutes away from the land of milk and honey... I could be wrong, but I don't think that's where I am..

Anyway...

I'm a pretty neat person. I don't leave a bunch of stuff lying around all the time, I put my clothes in the dirty laundry and put the cap back on the toothpaste and all that good stuff. I'm lucky that Ben is fairly tidy as well. He's not as tidy as I am, but his messiness is at a tolerable for me. And besides, if it gets to be too bad and I pile it all up on his desk, he never gets mad about it, he just makes space.

With that said, I feel like my house is covered in dirt and messiness everywhere. I feel like I'm living in a pig sty. Okay, maybe not a sty, but it feels all unorganized and stuff. So, I'm on the task. It's been raining all week, which means I can't weed (that's what I was told, anyway, by our garden guru). I'm stuck in the house, so I might as well clean. I started with the kitchen cabinets and wound up inhaling a bunch of cayenne pepper, causing a 20 minute sneezing fit. I also discovered that I have a lot of yeast (five packages) and food coloring (also five packages). And, I have no idea why. Charlotte, were you in on this?? Did you sneak these items in my cupboard before moving away??

I have plans to go through all my clothes and convince Ben to do the same, so we can minimize what we never use and donate all of it. Then, while all the clothes are all over the house, I can dust and clean the closet! Sounds like loads of fun, right?!

I think I'm also going to organize the bathroom cabinets, and the food cupboards too. Then, I think I'm going to move on to...I don't know what. I have plans to sew a skirt some time too....as soon as everything is sparkling clean.

p.s. I planned on making this post much funnier than it is now...not sure what happened, sorry. maybe next time.

Strange as it sounds, it's not that bad. I have plenty of time, since no one will hire me and I don't have any homework to be doing. I might as well clean, is what I think.

bio challenge

2009-05-07T16:34:00.003-04:00

I have to write a bio for NCUR publication and it's making me a little batty. The first one, which I'm not going to post here, made me sound conceited and not at all humble (I was going for humble, not conceited). It also had some personal information in it, such as: she enjoys knitting and sewing....

It also sounded like an obituary. ha ha ha ha!!

Here's your challenge, peeps. You get to write a bio about me, 50 words or less.

You can include the following information:

UNC-Asheville Spanish student, concentration in pre-health
member Sigma Delta Pi
enjoys knitting, sewing and swimming in the ocean
cupcakes are her favorite food
hates sand in the bed
plans to complete studies in public health and physician assistant certification
hhhmmmmm, I'm out of ideas.

Take the challenge....make me sound fabulous!!

buena suerte

old fashions

2009-05-06T15:24:00.005-04:00

I'm bidding on some more fashions today, peeps. I'm 50 minutes away from owning these fabulous patterns:

I'm going to look good this summer, so long as I get a job to help me pay for all the fabric and notions I'll need to make some of these clothes. I'm not planning on making all of them, just a couple. Probably just the dresses.

I'll have you know, too, that the owner of these patterns is not charging shipping and it's only $10. Eating up the last couple of dollars on my birthday card. it was either that or liquor (I was going to buy a couple fancy baby liquors).

fashions!

2009-05-05T14:51:00.008-04:00

This post is about fashions. My sweet daddy gave me a gift card for my birthday this year. I couldn't decide what I wanted for a present (I don't really need anything), so he sent me a gift card. This was very smart on his part too, because it ensured that I wasn't able to spend it on bills, like I generally do. This year, I bought fashions! at a steal of a deal too! you won't believe it. The following is a collection of my birthday fashions:

First, I bought these shoes (on Ebay, so they were a great deal, and new!):
They are normally $110 dollars! whew, so expensive. I paid less than half that, with shipping!

Next up; skirts:

This first one is a linen and stretch...spandex, I'm thinking.
I didn't buy it in the color you're seeing, I bought black.

I bought this one too. It is also linen, and I bought it in navy.

I bought this sweater too, in this color. Nice, no? I thought it would look nice with the navy skirt. What do you think?

I bought too, in purple. I normally don't like purple, either.I don't know why not. However, I like this color and style. So, I bought it.

These shirts are very similar, did you notice? I bought the square necked one in brown and the long sleeved one in red and black. I thought that as long as I don't wear them all in the same week, I'll be super fash.

And lastly, I bought this super cute jacket:
I don't normally wear cute fashion clothes like this, so it's a first for me. I'm trying to get job, though. A job in an office with people who wear office-like clothes and I don't think my one pair of jeans and many tee-shirts is going to cut it.

You might be looking at these clothes and coveting them, or maybe thinking that my daddy is rich and I'm rich too. You'd be wrong, super wrong. Not one item (save the shoes) cost over $7!! It's like going to the thrift shop, only it's new!!

One bad thing though, is I haven't tried anything on and it was all on super-sale, so I can't return any of it. I think I'll put it in consignment if it doesn't fit. You better believe I'm going to post pictures of it all if it does fit.

Lastly, my fashions is all thanks to Charlotte. Well, thanks to daddy, for funding my new fashion.(Thanks Daddy!!) With thanks to Charlotte for leading me to the website with an incredible sale, thanks lady!

capstone

2009-05-05T09:23:00.003-04:00

I'm almost done with the semester, peeps!!

I have to defend my thesis this afternoon (read: read 10 minutes of my 15 page paper) and I'm done with the semester. It's going to be super easy. I'm so glad we don't have to do comps. I would hate to have to do that. One great thing about hispanophiles is they are so relaxed and all 'who cares, pass the wine'. So, there's no need to be nervous or freak out or anything, because it's so mellow, dude.

I don't really have to defend my thesis, either. Probably more because it's about poetry and it will bore the hell out of most everyone there and they won't have listened to the entire presentation than anything else.

It's okay with me. I'm read yo to be done. I can't believe this is my last full semester of school! It's amazing. I only have one class to take this summer to graduate. It's a humanities class, so it's going to be a bit boring and require a lot of reading and paper writing, but I don't really care. I can pull through for one more month.

Now, I just need to get a job. I've applied to be a medical assistant, receptionist, phlebotomist, administrative

One hurdle at a time. First, capstone presentation, then job hunting.

comment moderation

2009-05-04T11:10:00.002-04:00

I accidentally erased some one's comment before I read and posted it!! Sorry, who ever you are. I love the comments, come back and tell me something!

In case you were wondering: I exercised for an hour today!! yes, that's right, I rock. y. I may collapse later. But right now, right this minute, I'm awesome.

with a bang!

2009-05-04T09:32:00.003-04:00

This week has started off wonderfully.

Remember I told you guys that we're doing a garden this year? and that there is lots and lots to do? and that there is also lots and lots of space for the doggies to roam??

Yes, you do remember? Good.

I don't think I mentioned that there are also ticks out there, tons of ticks. And they are disgusting. and scary, as far as I'm concerned. We have to check the dogs for thicks everyday and yank them off while with tissue paper (no! I'm not going to touch them, sicko!) There are a couple types of ticks too. There is this type,which is sometimes called the dog tick:

I know, nasty, right? I don't think they start out this big, it takes a little blood sucking to do it. Look at it's little legs, eeeww! It's too fat to move or anything. And they stay so attached too, you really have to yank. And, if you're not careful and don't yank them off from the head, their faces remain attached and can cause an infection. I KNOW!!! so gross. There is another kind of tick, and they look like this:

This is a deer tick and it is known for carrying Lyme's disease, which can kill dogs, cats and probably people. I'm less worried about myself and more worried about Ben and the dogs. Bloo seems only to pick up the first variety, the nasty, huge dog ticks. Gus seems to pick up the deer ticks. It's terrible. We have to inspect them every time we come back from the garden and then go about removing all the ticks we can find. This is no fun for the pup either, since it generally involves pulling out some of his hair too.

So, on to this morning.....I hate ticks. I'm so freaked out that I am going to have one on me that I have become paranoid and sometimes mistake my moles for tiny ticks. This is exhausting, since I have lots of moles. In an effort to avoid contracting the blood sucking disease ridden arachnid-like nasties I try to keep Gus off the bed too. However, this is nearly impossible. We have a baby gate to prevent him from getting into the bedroom, but we rarely remember to close it every time we leave the bedroom.

Anywaaayy....I was making breakfast this morning and I felt a tickle on my head. Remarkably, I didn't think right off that it was a tick. I scratched my head and removed my hand to see a tick on my finger!! Needless to say, I freaked out! I started to flail my hand around wildly and shriek, also wildly. Gus took great interest in this activity and decided to join in by jumping around me trying to catch my hand. During this moment of chaos I decided to smack my hand against my leg, maybe to remove the tick...I'm not sure. Gus also thought this was fun and started to jump on me. All the while Ben is on the computer and coolly says (without coming to my rescue): 'what's going on in there?' . Yup, that's it. My knight in shining armor didn't even flinch at my distress.

I hope this morning's antics weren't foreshadowing what this week is going to be like...

bored and therefore boring

2009-05-03T16:59:00.003-04:00

Have you ever heard the saying "If you're bored, you're boring"? Well, that's me. Not always, but definitely tonight (well, most of this weekend, actually).

Weeellll, that's not completely true, I was much more interesting this afternoon when I was screaming at Ben, saying mean things under my breath and sobbing while we made up. It was awesome. and not boring at all. you should have been here....

maybe not.

Anyway, what I was trying to say, is that I don't have much to share. I'm not feeling like sharing, aaand I'm not feeling fun or funny or anything like that.

I've got nothin', so you get nothin'. Sorry.

I am making some whiskey barbeque sauce tonight (for tomorrow night's dinner) and chicken pot pie w/biscuits (for tonight's dinner). (Basically, what I'm trying to say is that I'm so friggin' awesome that I'm too busy to do anything else right now, like blog, for example.)

Maybe I'll tell y'all about it later. If you're lucky. and I'm in a better mood.

job...frown

2009-04-30T16:28:00.003-04:00

I haven't heard back from the job yet. It's making my sad. and scared that I'll never get a job that I like. I'm feeling humbled and it stinks.

I think I'm going to send them an email tomorrow to check in. What the hell am I supposed to say on the check-in email? I haven't even spoken with anyone. Is that too weird? What do I say?

"Heee-eey, I was just wondering why you haven't called me yet. I've checked my email a million-trillion times and also checked to make sure the the address and phone number I gave you are correct. I also called my phone and sent myself emails to make sure both of those are working too and they are. So what's up...?"

Oh shit!! I just thought of something, maybe it went to spam! crap. Gotta go check.

I checked.

Nothing.

However, as it turns out I may not need a job, because I've just won the lottery, can open a new bank account, can grow a huge wang, and date hot black singles in the area.

My life is complete.

job!!

2009-04-27T15:44:00.006-04:00

I applied for a job today. It is an office position at Planned Parenthood. I'm super excited about it and I really want them to give me the job. I sent in my resume and application this afternoon, and have probably checked my email a dozen times (it's only 3:45). How long should I wait to hear from them before I start to feel real sorry for myself? One day, one week?!

One good thing: one of my references, from the rape crisis center where I am a volunteer, used to work at PP for about four years!! And, she still knows people, and maybe she will tell them how awesome and dedicated I am and how they should give me the job!Maybe not. But maybe. Maybe I'm not so against nepotism, if it's in my favor.

One bad thing: I didn't' wait to go to the career center here at school to have them look over everything and make sure I didn't sound like a dope. I was too overexcited...I checked for spelling errors and read it to Ben. Maybe we found all the mistakes....maybe.

Keep your fingers crossed for me peeps! I need/want this job!

okay bye! don't skip over the other new post. (Two in one day, I rock, clearly. Do you think that you could remind me if I don't get this job, or call PP and tell them so they give the job to me?) What?! Okay, never mind about calling PP, not about re-booting my ego.