my dreams are freaking me out

There are lots of weird things that occur when one is pregnant. I have been reading three books about pregnancy just to get the full spectrum of information about this glowing (frustrating) time. For the most part, it's all the same. I was under the impression, for some dumb reason, that I might be one of the few to simply be knocked up and not experience great challenges or pain with my pregnancy. What?! It happens, I've known people for whom this was the truth. As I'm sure you're aware, this has not been the case for me.

One thing I had been lucky enough to avoid for the last nine months is stretch marks. All the books warn about stretch marks, which can occur on the boobies, buns, and belly. The skin stretches out so swiftly that it gets stretch marks, which looks like the skin is tearing. It's awful. Not only is it not so pretty to look at, it's terribly itchy and in my case, painful. So far I've lucked out and I don't have too many. I don't have any on my boobies (which is amazing, since they're four times larger than they were!). I also don't have any on my buns. But I am getting them on my tummy. They're not all bright red or anything...yet. They're more the color of pink dried up earth worms. Veeeerrry foxy.

Another weird thing about being pregnant are the bizarro dreams that one is subjected to. Now, I can generally watch most scary movies at night and sleep just fine. I believe in ghosts and all, so those scary dreams stick in my head a little, but not enough to keep me up at night. However, when I've watched a scary movie in the last couple months I've dreamt about zombies all night. And I'm not talking about unrealistic like zombies. I mean they're-in-my-bedroom-breathing-on-my-face type zombies. No fun.

The books also say that most women dream about babies and little fuzzy, delicate, fragile creatures. Ummmm, I might be a jerk, but I've only had one dream of a baby animal and it was a turtle which had to be moved out of the road (which is not uncommon for me to do from spring through fall around here. There are turtles in the road all summer). So, I think my dream was more practical than all lovey.

You know what I did last night in my dream? I tried to but my cats head off....with our dull multipurpose kitchen scissors. That's right; most women dream of snuggly babies or baby animals and I dream of hard-shelled turtles and cutting of cat heads with dull kitchen scissors.

Oh, I forgot to mention that I've had more than one dream about trying to breastfeed the same cat who was about to lose her head last night.

The books don't mention if all this funny business stops after the baby comes out. I sure hope so. I don't want to dream about breast feeding my cat or cutting her head off anymore. And I want to be able to watch zombie movies after the sun goes down without dreaming that I have zombies getting ready to eat my face.